Grandfather May Have Left It Too Late In Life To Tackle First Mosh Pit


WATERFORD septuagenarian Eamon Banlon has urged his grandkids to start their bucket lists early, after his first heavy metal concert left him fighting for his life recently.

Mr. Banlon ‘learned the hard way’ at a recent Satan’s Sperm concert that some things are best left to the young, such as stage-diving off a tech stand elbows-first into a heaving crowd of rockers during a stonking guitar solo.

“I was in my thirties when the hair metal scene arrived in the 1980s, so I missed the whole mosh-pit thing. I’ve always wanted to try it, but fuck me I’m not as young as I used to be,’ said 73-year-old Banlon, who picked up a broken hip and a concussion, despite ‘giving as good as he got’.

“To the youth I say, whatever you want to do make sure and do it now. Because once you pass a certain age, you won’t be able to walk the Camino, or give MMA a go. Or even give the whole gay thing a go, if it’s something you’ve always been curious about. Now if you’ll mind out of the way there, there’s a young male nurse coming around to give me a bed bath and I have to talk to him about something”.

Banlon’s family have expressed concerns about his safety and wellbeing as he completes his bucket list, but are happy that his eventual passing will at least have a decent story behind it like perishing in an underground knife-fighting ring or a bungee cord snapping.