MERE minutes into watching a movie which he insisted to his partner ‘was meant to be very good’ but is proving to be ‘pretty shit’, local man Gary Ward is suffocating under the feeling he’s never going to hear the end of this, WWN can reveal. “Bollocks,” confirmed Ward to himself as the first few… Read more »
MOVING on to phase 2 of their long-term plan to rake in billions of euro in profits from their investments in Ireland, several so-called ‘cuckoo funds’ have begun to hoover ups sleeping bags and camping equipment to hoard them for the inevitable continued spike in homelessness down the line. “Well, you know, I mean, there’s… Read more »
BASKING in the triumph of a major victory in what is sure to be just the first of many pointless wars, Britain remains resolutely oblivious to how utterly ridiculous it appears to the outside world. Flashing a V-day sign on the steps outside 10 Downing St after the mighty British Navy gave those froggy fisherman… Read more »
WWN’S guest columnist today is none other than revered and respected Twitter account holder and very real person Barbara J. Pym, who discusses the fallout from Eoghan Harris’s sacking from the Sunday Independent after he was found be one of a number of individuals operating an anonymous Twitter account which sent abusive messages to journalists…. Read more »
AHEAD of a rumoured decision to prevent future prosecutions of British soldiers by introducing a statute of limitations, the British government is set to reclassify murders carried out by soldiers during the Troubles as ‘whoopsy daisies’. “We work shopped a few terms, but we feel this showcases our staggering indifference to the murder of people… Read more »
HE’S consistently rumoured to be Kim Kardashian’s new flame. A post-Kanye fling or something more lasting? And just who is Van Jones? And why oh why do I keep wasting my life devoting time to shit like this? Sure, a mindless scroll through the Daily Mail’s sidebar of shame is harmless enough when you discount… Read more »
BARELY stopping for breath in between sentences, leading figures from Fine Gael, Fianna Fáil and the Green Party are eager to alert the Irish public to a shocking discovery which is sure to blow everyone’s minds. “Guys, have you ever heard of this thing, I think they call it a ‘house sing Chrysler’ or something?… Read more »
HORRIFIC scenes were reported today in Waterford where 32-year-old Mark Murphy suddenly went up in flames and suffered serious injuries. Authorities suspect the cause of the fire can be traced to Murphy previously pulling a USB stick out of his computer without safely removing it beforehand. “I asked him – ‘Mark?’, I said, ‘Mark, don’t… Read more »
PENNEYS, the bargain hunters’ shopping paradise, will be open to all customers again on the 17th of May and it’s not going to be pretty. With this in mind, one lucky WWN reader will get a chance to win the first place position in a queue at a Penneys branch of their choosing. But there’s… Read more »
PAIN on a level which allegedly makes childbirth look like a piece of piss has left local man Martin Daly in agony following an ill advised attempt to exercise for the first in years. “Can you dislocate a hamstring and tear a lung? Fuck,” said Daly, grimacing intensely as he gingerly placed himself back on… Read more »