Tag: news

Remains Of Ancient Teletubby Found At Mound In Stonehenge

BRITISH archaeologists excavating Silbury Hill at the ancient site of Stonehenge have today unearthed what is believed to be the skeletal remains of 3,000-year-old teletubby, placing the extinction of the humanoid race even later than previously thought. During a routine dig, archaeologists working under Professor Gareth Montini of Oxford University discovered an unusually enlarged skull in a mounded area near Stonehenge,… Read more »

How Many Energy Drinks Should A Journalist Drink Before They Write A Headline Because We Think We May Have Overdone It Oh God Oh Jesus Christ We Can Hear The Surface Of The Sun

REPORTS that some energy drinks could contain as many as 17 spoons of sugar and twice the caffeine of an espresso have been confirmed by the staff of Waterford Whispers News after a taste-testing session that left the entire writing staff wired for the better part of an entire day and do you know what, it… Read more »

Government Deny Collecting Poor People’s Tears To Use As Lubrication In Post-Budget Orgy

THE FINE GAEL led minority government has fiercely denied claims that they have been hurriedly collecting the tears of poor people/low income workers resulting from their unveiling of Budget 2020 with the intention of using them for lubrication as part of the traditional and well earned post-budget orgy. “Shit, we’ve been rumbled,” screamed now panicked… Read more »