Tag: news

Fire Brigade Called After Donnelly Gets Head Stuck In Dáil Railings

FRESH from the Taoiseach revealing he only learned about the recent, probably fairly inconsequential collapse of the country’s contact tracing system via an Irish Times article, today has brought yet another embarrassing incident for the hapless three-party government. “Eh, sorry lads,” shared a sheepish Minister for Health Stephen Donnelly to firemen arriving at the scene… Read more »

Local Man’s Mask Caked In Chocolate, Meanies

BLISSFULLY accustomed to the pickled onion twang and hint of musty cocoa air filtering through his now 6-month-old face mask, Waterford man Daniel Rogers continued about his day without a care in the world, happy in the knowledge he was doing his bit for society, WWN reports. Item one of a ten-pack of masks bought… Read more »

Old Bully From School On Facebook Promoting Pyramid Scheme

WWN CAN exclusively report that a large number of former school bullies appear to be either wittingly or unwittingly engaged in pyramid schemes, if they’re recent, desperate social media postings are anything to go by. Early research suggests 95% of people who made your life utter hell in school are actively talking up the benefits… Read more »

Final US Presidential Debate To Be Done In Mime

WITH NEWS that US presidential debate organisers plan on muting candidates’ microphones whenever there’s an interruption, it has now been confirmed that the final debate will as a result take place entirely through the art form of mime. “We could sit here and pretend like Agent Orange isn’t going to just interrupt for 90 minutes… Read more »