Tag: news

Odlums Introduce Self Raising Children

DEPARTING from their usual offerings of baked goods, porridge and other products Oldums food scientists revealed their latest creation which is set to revolutionise the family raring business, WWN can report. Leaning heavily on the proprietary technology used to create their range of self raising flours, Odlums have developed the first self raising children who… Read more »

Always 45 Minutes Left In Movie, Finds Report

SCIENTISTS are no closer to understanding how there’s always 45 minutes left in whatever movie you’re watching every time you check the progress bar, regardless of how long the movie is overall, or your thoughts on its quality one way or the other. “It doesn’t seem to matter whether or not you’re enjoying the movie,… Read more »

Dubliners Assured We Know What They Mean

THERE is no longer a need for people from Dublin to enquire ‘d’you know what I mean?’ at the end of every sentence, after the nation came together to stress that they heard them the first time. “We know what you mean, you don’t have to ask,” came the impassioned plea from the nation, following… Read more »

US Proves There’s Nowhere They Can’t Bomb

NASA’s successful mission to crash a spacecraft onto a distant asteroid has been heralded as a complete success, and proof that even deep space isn’t safe from aerial assault by the US government. The ‘DART’ mission, not affiliated with the even more dangerous transport system in Dublin, was launched in November of last year in… Read more »