Tag: news

Thousands Of Covid Cases Could Be Avoided By Giving Dublin Six-In-A-Row, Explains Dublin

WEEKS of uncertainty and a potential ‘landslide’ of case numbers, hospitalisations and deaths could all ‘simply disappear’ if Dublin were to be granted victory in the 2020 GAA Senior football championship, the nation has been informed. A spokesperson for the Dublin senior team has said they’re perfectly happy to invite county after county to the… Read more »

Great, Fucking Milk Trying To Kill Us Now

THE IRISH people have let out an exasperated sigh of ‘great, that’s all we bloody need’ after competing news stories emerged in the media about how the country’s beloved velvet dairy water is turning against us, possibly trying to kill us. First there was the troubling news that two children received compensation in court from… Read more »

Local Man Cancels Workout Due To Uncharged AirPods

A COUNTY Waterford gym has issued a notice today asking members to charge their music devices before their scheduled gym appointments following one of several cancellations citing uncharged airpods, WWN has learned. “What’s the fucking point if I can’t listen to tunes?” defended MeatHeads Gym member, Derek Stapleton, who only realised his airpods weren’t charged… Read more »

COYBIG Downgraded To CO,YBIG

THE acronym commonly associated with the Irish soccer team is to be re-worked a little in light of another soul-sapping defeat, going from an exuberant expression of joy to a plea for something… just something, anything.’ “So we’re migrating from ‘Come on you boys in green’ to something more along the lines of ‘Come on,… Read more »

Irish Insurance Industry Labeled Terrorist Organisation

IN A SIGN that it has ramped up its evil deeds, Irish consumers and business owners have been left with no other choice but to designate the diabolical Irish insurance industry a terrorist organisation, with several businesses having to take insurers to court in a bid to have insurers honour their commitments in providing some… Read more »

Irish Person Abroad Signs Up For US Military In Bid To Fly Home To Shannon This Christmas

MISSOURI-BASED Waterford man Declan Smithfield’s foolproof plan to piggyback a US Military cargo flight to the Middle East and ‘hop off’ at Shannon Airport during refueling is going smoothly, providing he passes his basic training course at Fort Bragg, WWN can report. Pre-empting the closure of all Irish airports due to Covid-19 this Christmas, software… Read more »

Woulfe Just Acting The Bollocks At This Stage

THE citizens of Ireland have admitted that they’re finding it increasingly difficult to stay mad at Mr. Justice Seamus Woulfe, as his continuous avoidance of any sort of fallout from Golfgate has granted him an endearing ‘cheeky rascal’ quality that’s quite hard to hate. “It’s hard to describe someone in his position as ‘an underdog’,… Read more »