Handy Excuses For Why You Can’t Make Saturday’s Cost Of Living Protest

STARTING AT 2pm on Saturday the 24th of September at Parnell Square in Dublin a pre-budget cost of living protest is set to take place, aimed at pressuring government to address the issue.

News of this protest will come as a big worry to people who have spent every waking hour giving out about the government and stating how something must be done. Now a large scale protest has been planned, your bluff has been called.

Don’t worry, instead of attending the protest you can avoid actually doing something with these handy excuses:

“I’ve actually got quite accustomed to the noise the springs make in my parent’s mattress as they’re riding, it helps me nod off. I can’t risk protests like this leading to a change in housing policy and rent levels”.

“Ew, Sinn Féin helped organise it?”

“Maybe some of us like living in misery and not being able to plan for our future, have you ever thought about that?”

“I live outside Dublin and can’t afford the transport there due to the cost of living crisis”.

“I live in Dublin City and can’t afford the walking on foot it’ll take to get there”.

“Of the 4,100 affordable and cost rental homes the government had said it would deliver this, it has only delivered 157. They’re knocking it out of the park why would I protest?”

“This energy bill stuff is overblown, I’m banking on the stereotypical toasty Irish winter to come to my aide. Protest? I’ll be on the beach sunning myself from here until March next”.

“Actually, I’ve changed my mind on this whole ‘we shouldn’t take this lying down’. After some serious reflection from my reclined position on my couch I realise protesting never changed anything”.

“2pm? This Saturday? What are the chances, my completely immovable weekly hair washing slot!”