Warring Siblings Rush Home To Family Farm After Value Of Land Soars

REACTING IMMEDIATELY to a report by the Society of Chartered Surveyors Ireland suggesting farmland has risen in value by 11% in the last year, warring siblings Michael and Patrick Hanlon have raced home in a bid to enter the good graces of their farmer father Gerard, WWN can reveal.

“My brother is a pup, I knew he’d be down like a shot to get himself top billing in any will,” confirmed both brothers in separate interviews with WWN, with the siblings feeling with an 11% price rise they would be foolish not refocus on inheriting the 114 acres farm.

In a unique set of circumstances neither Hanlon brother had the good sense to stay at home and help with the running of the farm as part of a clear plot to inherit, thus leaving the door open for their father to do something insane like bequeathing the farm to their cousin Seamus, who has worked the land alongside their father for 22 years.

“Seamus won’t be a problem, I’ve been sewing the seeds with the mother, if the auld lad goes first, she wouldn’t dream of it, I’m the apple of her eye,” said both siblings in separate conversations with WWN.

With prices per acre reaching as high as €20,000, Michael and Patrick feel they’ve been left with little option but to abruptly quit their jobs in Cork and Dublin and spend more time at home pouring poison into the ear of their parents about their sibling.

“Why can’t we inherit equal shares in the farm? Do you know anything about Irish families? Once out of the womb it’s a free-for-all, a fight to the death,” said Michael, who believes his strategy of nodding in agreement whenever his father says there’s no money to be made in farming and that the government are riding him will see him emerge victorious.