MOVING on to phase 2 of their long-term plan to rake in billions of euro in profits from their investments in Ireland, several so-called ‘cuckoo funds’ have begun to hoover ups sleeping bags and camping equipment to hoard them for the inevitable continued spike in homelessness down the line. “Well, you know, I mean, there’s… Read more »
WWN’S guest columnist today is none other than revered and respected Twitter account holder and very real person Barbara J. Pym, who discusses the fallout from Eoghan Harris’s sacking from the Sunday Independent after he was found be one of a number of individuals operating an anonymous Twitter account which sent abusive messages to journalists…. Read more »
AHEAD of a rumoured decision to prevent future prosecutions of British soldiers by introducing a statute of limitations, the British government is set to reclassify murders carried out by soldiers during the Troubles as ‘whoopsy daisies’. “We work shopped a few terms, but we feel this showcases our staggering indifference to the murder of people… Read more »
PENNEYS, the bargain hunters’ shopping paradise, will be open to all customers again on the 17th of May and it’s not going to be pretty. With this in mind, one lucky WWN reader will get a chance to win the first place position in a queue at a Penneys branch of their choosing. But there’s… Read more »
FRESH from breaking Covid protocols to gather together and masturbate in a circle over the rubber stamping of the Affordable Housing Bill by the government, developers have asked the Dept. of Housing to wire them the cash they’ll make from all this as they don’t fancy having to carry all that money on their persons…. Read more »
A GROUP representing Donegal has taken to social media demanding a number of societal and infrastructure reforms for the county, or else they’ll ‘spike that R number so high you’ll all be in your houses until next Easter’. The sudden rise in Covid cases in Donegal has caused massive concern among NPHET and the government,… Read more »
“WHY didn’t we think of this earlier,” a frustrated with itself government said of the impending introduction of legislation implementing minimum alcohol unit pricing in retail settings. “We did it, we solved Ireland’s drink problem! We cracked how to wean young people off alcohol, while as a small bonus imposed a stealth tax on everyone”… Read more »
CHIEF Medical Officer Tony Holohan has penned an emotional open letter to his hordes of online detractors, assuring them that as a doctor, he knows ways to make them ‘sing in pain’ that they’ve never encountered before, WWN can report. It was a busy week for Holohan on the open letter front, as he also… Read more »
UNABLE to satisfy their voracious appetite with the purchase of 135 recently built homes in a 170 unit housing estate in Kildare, foreign investment funds have moved to purchase all of Ireland in an ambitious move watched on in silence by the government. “Fuck it, let’s buy this whole shithole and rent it back out… Read more »
LONG thought to be indistinguishable, here’s your essential guide to spotting if you thought you had innocently parted with cash only to realise you had erroneously sent your child to a fee paying school. Here’s how to discern if you’ve sent your child to a private school or a cult: Is the school/cult institution instilling… Read more »