A CONTROVERSIAL new enclosure at Dublin Zoo has become the source of intense debate among the public, with many defending being given the chance to observe and study the social welfare recipient of the species just in time for the arrival of the Christmas bonus payment. “Some are already demanding its closure, but I quite… Read more »
AWARE that such excuse making could gain him a reputation as a workshy layabout and all round Negative Nellie, local tent-dwelling student Fionn Dalton remains unable to shake the feeling that perhaps his focus at college would be greatly enhanced had he a room in a house or apartment to call his own. “I’m at… Read more »
GUARDING this year’s Junior Cert results like they were the third secret of Fatima, Minister for Education Norma Foley has confirmed that students will receive results on the 23rd of November but not before answering these riddles three. “You have to fill in your answer in person in pencil only on the sheet we provide,… Read more »
AMBULANCES are treating 400 true crime podcasters for minor injuries after they descended on the Special Criminal Court in anticipation of the commencement of Gerry ‘The Monk’ Hutch’s trial for allegedly murdering of Kinahan Cartel member David Byrne in 2016 at the Regency Hotel. Such is the feverous excitement among true crime fanatics, hundreds of… Read more »
FRESH from issuing its 200th ‘this goes against the ethos of the GAA’ statement of the year so far, the GAA has vowed to track down and identify the clandestine cell of fanatical soccer fans seeking to destroy Gaelic games from within. Prompted to reissue a boilerplate press release in the wake of news that… Read more »
WRITTEN over the weekend after a bought of insomnia and mild insanity, and fueled by nothing but caffeine-free coffee, the Taoiseach Micheál Martin has promised a fateful and true depiction of one of Ireland’s most talked about politicians, unlike like that fawning sanitised Shane Ross book. WWN has the exclusive first extract of Micheál Martin’s… Read more »
DEPARTING from their usual offerings of baked goods, porridge and other products Oldums food scientists revealed their latest creation which is set to revolutionise the family raring business, WWN can report. Leaning heavily on the proprietary technology used to create their range of self raising flours, Odlums have developed the first self raising children who… Read more »
LOCAL woman Suzanne Jeffries was only too delighted to take her friend and mother of six toddlers, Caroline Murphy, up on the offer of a coffee catch up in a local cafe, WWN understands. “I don’t know what ages they are at this stage, all I know is that Caroline’s husband never takes them off… Read more »
BUSINESSES that rely on your custom regret to inform you that the thing you paid €4 for and considered value for money has now double in price and looks suspiciously smaller in scale. “It doesn’t matter what product or service it is, any increase in costs incurred by businesses, real or imagined, have been passed… Read more »
THERE is no longer a need for people from Dublin to enquire ‘d’you know what I mean?’ at the end of every sentence, after the nation came together to stress that they heard them the first time. “We know what you mean, you don’t have to ask,” came the impassioned plea from the nation, following… Read more »