PARENTS would normally turn to a summer camp to get the kids out of the house and out of their hair once the academic year is over but no, this is a world invented and overseen by a God who wants to torture parents so summer camps for the most part are a no-go. If… Read more »
WATERFORD man William Henderson is this morning shaking off the effects of a hard night of substantial meals with the lads, during their tearful reunion with their local pub which does food now, apparently. Henderson, along with Derek Adams, Headsy, maybe Paul Malone was there too but nobody is sure; hit the Wheelrim Arms at half… Read more »
THE SUDDEN cancellation of the routine daily Covid-19 briefing was announced to make way for the reassembly of the Emergency Celtic Tiger Containment Unit for the first time since 2011 as it warned of a lethal second wave of Fianna Fáil, WWN can confirm. “We must suppress this disease in the community, where it can… Read more »
OVER six years since her horrifying honeymoon in Ireland with her husband Kanye West, reality TV superstar Kim Kardashian West has admitted that there are times she lies awake in bed, replaying the ordeal of the Irish midlands over and over in her mind. “She says she can still hear the voices in her head;… Read more »
AS Phase 3 of the government’s 4-phase re-opening of the country kicks into place today, here’s what the nation can finally start doing again after months of Covid-enforced lockdown: 1. All cockfighting, lurching, salmon poaching, off-season hunting, fox-lamping, badger baiting and elk-stabbings can once again take place, hopefully bringing the nation’s wildlife into check after… Read more »
“ALL weekend long, I’ve just had ‘Fiesta’ by The Pogues playing at full blast” beamed a jubilant Simon Harris, his youth flushing back to his cheeks for the first time since taking up the position of Minister For Health in 2016. “Same here, except I was pumping out ‘Sandstorm’ by Darude” giggled former Minister For… Read more »
THERE wasn’t a dry eye or undamaged liver in the early houses this morning, as sentimental and emotional Irish men and women were reunited with their newly reopened pubs. Dropping to their knees onto the sticky carpets, embracing their favourite rickety bar stool in a hug and mindlessly splashing their urine all over their favourite… Read more »
OUTGOING FINANCE minister Paschal Donohoe licked his finger and raised it in the sky to appraise the direction of the oncoming wind, his eyes sharpening he confirmed to himself “yup, this mother is about to burn the fuck down”. Unprecedented remarks from the normally mild mannered Dublin TD but these are unprecedented times and Donohoe… Read more »
FORMER FAI CEO John Delaney has made the news again today as part of an ongoing OCDE investigation into the financial affairs of the FAI during his disastrous tenure. The court heard of arrangements made by the corporate watchdog to clarify the nature of some documents and files with Delaney, who is currently residing and… Read more »
THRONGS OF Buddhist monks have descended on the home of one Waterford man after reports he achieved a transcendent state of inner calm and Nirvana earlier today, WWN can confirm. Glen Tymon (26) had been situated in his kitchen this morning when the incident occurred, which is being described as a routine, run of the… Read more »