“DON’T dress for the lockdown you’re in, dress for the lockdown you’d like to be in” said Waterford woman Sheila McTavert this morning, changing out of her ‘nighttime’ pajamas and into her ‘daytime’ pajamas. McTavert, 32, opted for a fresh pair of PJs this morning having spent the majority of last week working from home… Read more »
RESIDENTS in the Republic of Ireland have en masse made their first tentative steps into exploring a permanent move to Northern Ireland to coincide with the probable return of pubs in line with Boris Johnson’s recently announced plans for England, WWN has learned. Speeding through Garda checkpoints only to find themselves caught up in miles… Read more »
SPEAKING outside his south Dublin home today, veteran broadcaster Pat Kenny has vowed the total annihilation of his latest land enemy developer Bartra Properties, stating he is locked and loaded and ready to roll. “If these motherfuckers want a land war, I’ll give them a land war to end all land wars,” voiced Pat, brandishing… Read more »
WITH both the UK and the Republic of Ireland outlining their roadmap out of Covid lockdown in the past few days, a committee of border counties will now sit down and work out what the next few months look like for them in terms of ‘living with covid’. Delegates from Donegal, Tyrone, Fermanagh, Derry, Armagh,… Read more »
THE TAOISEACH took to the airwaves to get the Nation’s hopes down, and outline ‘Living With Covid’ version 4578, but just what’s in the plan? Firstly, rather than quote a Hollywood movie like his predecessor, Taoiseach Martin chose instead to re-enact in full the scene from Misery where Kathy Bates takes a sledgehammer to James… Read more »
BRUSHING aside pleas to remain at home due to torrential rain and gale force winds along coastal areas, Tramore man James Perry has headed out with his smartphone to nab a shot of waves crashing against the shore for his Instagram. “James, for the love of God would you please think about your family” pleaded… Read more »
IN ADDITION to flood warnings issued due to heavy rainfall, Met Éireann has warned the government if it persists with maintaining a high volume of leaks to the media, severe flooding is inevitable. “You can only shovel so much rancid sewage down pipes without negative consequences, the public can’t bare the stink it’s causing,” confirmed… Read more »
REPORTS circulating a Waterford community this afternoon has confirmed that some little loser still has both his biological parents living in the same house together like some kind of fully functional family, WWN has learned. Davey Lynch, (12), was branded a little freak by peers after slipping up and stating his parents were still together,… Read more »
IN A BID to let the public get a release from all of their pent up frustration, anxiety, anger and loneliness, the government has confirmed a one-off 24-hour binge on freedoms from lockdown restrictions. The positive news is believed to in no way related to the huge influx of crying and pleading from the public… Read more »
COMMUNICATING an unconvincing blend of surprise and enthusiasm, radio DJ Tony Hyde, host of ‘Midnight Vibes With Tony Hyde’, continues to read out an endless deluge of texts, emails and DMs from listeners that he has clearly composed himself. “‘Any chance of some Led Zepplin Tony, loving the show as always, can’t beat it love,… Read more »