Dept Of Education Places Junior Cert Results At Foothills Of Himalayas

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GUARDING this year’s Junior Cert results like they were the third secret of Fatima, Minister for Education Norma Foley has confirmed that students will receive results on the 23rd of November but not before answering these riddles three.

“You have to fill in your answer in person in pencil only on the sheet we provide, the sheet just happens to be at the foothills of the Himalayas, where it is guarded by 40 tigers we’ve starved for a week,” explained Foley.

Omitting the fact that the riddles will be written entirely in Latin, the Department of Education has been accused of needlessly drawing out the sharing of results which is causing students considerable stress.

“I’ve one student in 5th year now, working his arse off in honours maths, no idea he’s clearly failed Junior Cert maths, it’s beyond cruel,” said one teacher.

Once students have made it to Nepal* they will find the following riddles:

Two fathers and two sons are in a car, yet there are only three people in the car. How?

The person who made it doesn’t need it. The person who bought it doesn’t want it. The person who needs it doesn’t know it. What is it?

A cowboy rides into town on Friday. He stays three days, then rides out of town on Friday. How?

The students union of Ireland have stressed that this is a particularly drawn out and needless delay considering ‘no one gives a fuck about the Junior Cert anyway’.

*By boat only, including when on land.

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