Tag: education

350,000 Germ Factories Return To School

AS MANY AS 350,000 snot dripping, pants soiling, cough-while-not-covering-mouths, dirty handed children have made their return to school after the initial return to in-person began two weeks ago. Equal parts delighted and horrified to be returning to their profession in an environment more conducive to learning, teachers stoically accepted the fact 350,000 germ factories needed… Read more »

Teachers To Spend First Week Back Correcting Mad Shit Parents Were Teaching Their Kids

STILL adjusting to teaching in a location that isn’t within touching distance of a wine-filled fridge at home, the nation’s teachers return to in-person teaching has been hampered by the effect of off-the-cuff, make-it-up-as-you-go-along homeschooling done by parents. “Before we closed down before Christmas we had just started Irish history, do you know how long… Read more »

“Okay, The Government Needs To Cancel The Leaving Cert ASAP As I Haven’t Done A Fucking Tap”

IN AN exclusive interview, Waterford student Daniel Carey shared his experience of foolishly expecting the Department of Education to abandon plans on staging in-person exams during an academic year full of disruption and an ongoing global pandemic. “Funny story, so I didn’t bother studying, and now I’m kind of worried I’ll actually have to sit… Read more »

“Conas Atá Tú Me Bollix” Confirms Mother Who Regrets Sending Kids To Gaelscoil

A COUNTY Waterford mother with no understanding of the Irish language has admitted to now regretting sending her two children to a local Gaelscoil, with ongoing home-schooling during lockdown rendering her a useless, redundant parent. “Conas atá tú me bollix!” Darina Kent exclaimed, trying to decipher the latest stream of incomprehensible text delivered via a… Read more »