New Research Shows Ancient Cavemen Had No Idea Where The Clitoris Is Either


A TEAM of geologists, geneticists, historians, and archaeologists have gathered the largest ever dataset on the habits and lifestyles of Paleolithic era primitive male humans and concluded that much like their descendants today, the location of the clitoris was a mystery to them.

“As soon as we published these findings dozens of men complained stating it’s factually inaccurate to say all men descended from these neanderthals. If only they put a fraction of this energy into researching the clitoris our study would be redundant,” explained lead researcher on the project Dr Clare Fenhold.

“For all that has changed and the advances we have made in societal structures and technology, the one constant through this chain of ancestry is the utter ineptitude when it comes to pleasuring their female counterparts,” added Dr Fenhold.

Drawing on information contained in ancient cave paintings made by female neanderthals, the team were able learn much of the sexual habits of the day.

“The females painted what looked like large diagrams of female genitalia with arrows pointing to the clitoris. The painting over time got bigger, more hastily painted – perhaps in anger, indicating the men never quite got the hint,” revealed Dr Fenhold.

Cross-referencing contemporary data pertaining to 2022’s males aged 18-120, the similarities when it comes to clitoral cluelessness is remarkable.

“To men then and today the vagina remains the Bermuda triangle of befuddlement. At least the men back then could hunt and bring home food.” sighed Dr Fenhold.