ALWAYS on the look out for inferior artistic offerings he can turn his nose up at, one Cork man has failed to pass up the chance to work ‘I haven’t watched any of that Marvel shite’ into a conversation. However, with each passing day Trevor Ferns fears the chances of him receiving a medal for… Read more »
SHOWCASING his deft interpersonal skills which sees him easily break through barriers and cross all divides based around political, religious, cultural and social backgrounds, Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has become the man to solve the intractable issues surrounding Ireland’s beef disputes. Beef farmers unhappy with the money they receive from big corporations and the seeming indifference… Read more »
SECURING support from the influential BATFLB could be the vital push needed for Tory leader and PM Boris Johnson to gain a much desired majority in the upcoming election. Coming out in support of someone they referred to as ‘one of our own’ the British Association Of Two-Faced Lying Bastards’ endorsement of Johnson could sway… Read more »
A RECORD-SETTING study among Irish people has shown that 31 out of 31 counties agree without doubt that the island would be much better off if Dublin was chiselled off and allowed to float out into the Irish Sea, WWN can confirm. The study follows a report showing that Ireland’s capital ranked worst place in… Read more »
TRYING to cloak his obvious embarrassment under a veil of bravado US President Donald Trump attempted to play off his attending a NATO meeting in London with a US military nuclear warhead. “I thought… I mean, wasn’t I supposed to bring it? For, I dunno, a check up?” Trump said, before realising how stupid he… Read more »
A DISAPPOINTED government has reacted in anger and frustration at the news that the latest figures from their Official Scroungers Index shows a record 10,514 people are pretending to be homeless. With a gentle and tender arm of support slung over the shoulder of a visibly upset Minister for No Housing Eoghan Murphy, his cabinet… Read more »
NOT BUILDING houses didn’t do it. Spending hundreds and hundreds of millions of taxpayer’s money in HAP payments to landlords and vulture funds instead of building social housing didn’t do it. Massaging housing and homeless figures didn’t do it. Could the answer to saving Eoghan Murphy’s political career come in the guise of just changing… Read more »
THE FAI turned to Sepp Blatter after their favoured candidate John Foley, formerly of Athletics Ireland, withdrew himself from consideration at the last minute. Despite the short notice former FIFA chief Blatter was delighted to take up the role and his appointment marks a clear departure from the financially murky John Delaney era. The in-no-way-disgraced… Read more »
THE Duke Of Sussex emitted an audible ‘oh for fuck sake’ at this morning’s annual Kris Kringle draw in Buckingham Palace, confirming to all in attendance that he had drawn his under-fire uncle Andrew this year. Prince Harry had been invited to the palace this morning to sort out who was getting who for Christmas,… Read more »
MINISTER For Health Simon Harris and Minister For Housing Eoghan Murphy are said to be skipping around Leinster House in jubilation today, after seemingly cracking both of their troublesome, scandal-ridden briefs with one simple brainwave. Murphy, facing down the barrel of a vote of no confidence due to the ever-escalating housing crisis, assembled his fellow… Read more »