DALKEY resident Matt Damon was finally tracked down for an exclusive interview via video call by radio station Spin 1308, much to the delight of a locked down nation in desperate need of a nice feel good story in these trying times. Last seen at a Dalkey swimming spot absolutely horsing into a rake of… Read more »
FEARS that the government may not have a valid plan for coping with Covid-19’s projected cost to the economy of €30 billion have been put to rest after Taoiseach Leo Varadkar assured the nation that they haven’t forgotten about it, and it’s right there on the door of the fridge in the Dáil canteen, ready… Read more »
AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL and the United Nations have come together to call for the immediate cancellation of a Eurovision ‘song celebration’ event which is due to take place this evening – the day the first Eurovision semi-final for this year was meant to be staged. Far from being one of the many cancelled events mourned by… Read more »
IT’S THE news every soccer fan has been waiting to hear; the Premier League is back with a few tiny, imperceptible adjustments that means the game we know and love can return as normal in the format of the iconic 2002 Nike football cage advert. “An abandoned boat in the middle of the ocean, socially… Read more »
CONTRADICTING months of campaigning and endless guides on how to wash your hands from Irish TV presenters, Irish Water has called on households to conserve water due to a 20% increase in usage by washing themselves in their own saliva. “If you hold your spit in your mouth for a few minutes and think of… Read more »
IT PROVED to be a sex scene too far for the Sexual Repression Enforcement Unit of the Concerned Catholic Parents of Ireland, and so they were left with no choice but to call in the big guns. A penis – an Irish penis no less – had graced the screens of the National Pornography Broadcaster,… Read more »
THE cancellation of Electric Picnic 2020 has caused craicologists to move the hands of the Irish Craic Doomsday clock forward by 7 minutes, bringing the countdown to a zero-craic Ireland; the closest it’s been since the financial crash of 2008. Experts are warning that as the rest of the summer festivals follow EP’s example, the… Read more »
UP to eight potential Covid-19 vaccines are heading towards completion thanks to a 40-country, €7.4bn-backed effort to find a safe, viable vaccination to the disease that has ravaged the planet; not that Waterford woman Helen Keedale will be allowing it anywhere near her. “I’m not letting Bill Gates put any of this Nano technology into… Read more »
THE world may be experiencing the worst pandemic in living memory while gearing up to weather an economic crash that makes 2008 look like Mardi Gras, but that hasn’t stopped Waterford man Hugh Dowdall from going that extra mile when it comes to amusing his soon-to-be ex-coworkers with a succession of utterly hilarious, not-at-all annoying… Read more »
“Ah sure, it’s only Direct Provision” the Irish public selfishly confirmed as it learned that Covid-19 cases in Direct Provision centres in Kerry and Westmeath are on the rise while over 1,700 residents are forced to share small bedrooms with strangers, in direct contradiction of the Chief Medical Officer’s recommendations. “Phew, we were hedging our… Read more »
