Man Seeks Court Injunction Against Ever Having To Hear About Burke Family Again


A MAN has been granted an injunction order against the Irish media, his WhatsApp groups, coworkers and social media networks which prevents them from mentioning the Burke family to him ever again or face imprisonment for being in defiance of a court order.

48-year-old Simon Clemons has had his fill of Burke-based news and through his solicitors he finally took the relevant action to make their existence an irrelevance to him.

“This injunction means that if I switch through radio stations in my car and so much as hear the beginnings of ‘groundhog day again as noted eejit…’ that radio station is off to jail,” confirmed Clemons outside the only court in Ireland a Burke probably wasn’t within five metres of.

“So let it be known to my WhatsApp groups, that’s an end to the memes, the only Holy show I’ll be watching this week is the Papal funeral,” confirmed Clemons, who admitted he rather drag his testicles across marathon course made entirely of cheese graters than have to hear about the Burke family again.

Clemons’ legal representatives confirmed that if people wanted to discuss the Burke family disrupting the inquest into the death of a teenager or turning the WRC into a circus there were plenty of people and media outlets willing to oblige.

“I don’t care if he digs a tunnel from prison to the school while carrying a cross on his back, I’m not hearing any of it. I’m sick of it,” concluded Clemons.