Doing God’s Work: Putin Takes Break From War Crimes For Orthodox Christmas

ONCE AGAIN proving his well-established Christian values and all round generosity, Vladimir Putin has called a halt to his war crimes during the observance of Orthodox Christmas.

The ceasefire was initially suggested by Patriarch Kirill, the head of the Russian Orthodox Chruch, who is famed for wearing $30,000 watches and have a net worth of $4bn and less famous for valuing the lives of innocent people.

Proposing a 36-hour ceasefire that he will break and never honour, just as Jesus would have wanted, Putin is winning new fans as he conducts his relentless campaign of murder guided by good Christian kindness.

The welcome and reliable news comes days after senior Russia military figures acknowledged recent Russian casualties in Ukraine by confirming “it’s our soldiers own fault for dying because they were using mobile phones which gave their position away”.

“Between blaming soldiers he sent to die in an unjust invasion for their own deaths and saying ‘no bombing children’s hospitals today because Jesus’ Vlad is really knocking it out of the park,” confirmed one source.

It not yet clear if the accidental falling of former friends out of 30 storey windows will be halted during this period of religious observance.

Meanwhile, as Russian authorities falsified records of the locations of the deaths of their soldiers so they wouldn’t have to pay grieving families less compensation, Ukraine celebrated Christmas by opening gift wrapped armoured vehicles from Germany, France and the US.