Commute Home Improved By Significantly More Miserable Man Stuck In Traffic Beside You


“WELL at least I’m not that guy”

Every soul-crushing workday traffic jam needs them, for without them the depths of your despair would feel lower than the wreck of the Titanic.

Amidst the smog and the condensation on your car window there emerges a hero, an individual so obviously captured by misery he looks like he may have invented the concept and therefore by comparison your life must not be that bad after all.

Penned in by a week’s work of discarded McDonald’s wrappers, Red Bull cans and resentment, 41-year-old Niall Tellins is scream-singing ‘so you’ve had a bad day’ by Daniel Powter despite it not being on the radio while also gnawing at his tie like a wild animal.

“Oooh boy this guy looks so miserable he’s snapped me out of my comparatively cheery misery. I’m starting to think I don’t hate my job and I probably love my husband and kids,” said one commuter, watching on with equals parts horror and sobering delight.

Tellins, presumably a call centre manager because why else would he look so devoid of joy, is box office stuff on the Lucan exit off the M50 as fellow motorists stuck in place are transfixed by his grey complexion and inaudible yet clearly irritated mumbling.

“Oh shit he’s doing the laughing at first but now just crying thing. It’s always good to know that even if I’m stuck in traffic for two hours a day for a job I could easily do from home remotely, at least I’m not this Tellins lad,” confirmed motorists, who wanted to get Tellins flower or something but doing so could risk him becoming less miserable.