Red Bull Launch New Range Of Craft Energy Drinks


ENERGY drink giants Red Bull have unveiled a new suite of products aimed at bringing 100% organic, artisanally produced sugar-water to the market, aimed at people who drink craft beer but still like to hit the shorts later in the night. The new drinks, dubbed Réd Búll, promise the same great taste and heart-tissue eroding properties… Read more »

Pat Hickey Has Been Released From Prison And He Looks Ripped


FORMER Olympic Council of Ireland (OCI) president Pat Hickey has been released from preventive custody in Rio de Janeiro this afternoon, to wow onlookers with his stunning new physique. Dressed only in a pair of cotton boxer shorts and a string necklace, the buff Mr. Hickey flexed for photographers and journalists in a stunning display of defiance,… Read more »

Culchie Buys New Trowel For Laying Accent On


A TRIP to the local hardware store has proved useful to one culchie today, as he left with a brand new trowel which will help him to lay his accent on thicker than ever when talking to city-folk. James Kennelly, 34, isn’t quite sure why he makes his already-thick midlands accent even thicker when talking… Read more »

Local Youth Pleads With Younger Brother To Stop Hitting Himself


“WHY? Why are you doing this to yourself” cries 12-year-old Michael Guinan, desperately trying to prevent his 8-year old brother Liam from repeatedly smacking himself in the face. “Stop, please stop hitting yourself… stop hitting yourself!” he continued. The situation in the Guinan household is not an isolated one. Across the country, dozens of younger… Read more »

New Sarcasm Font Has Been Released And It Is Brilliant


IN a rare example of online tech giants coming together to work on a joint venture, Facebook, Google, Apple and Microsoft have jointly unveiled a new ‘sarcasm font’ which will seek to resolve misunderstanding online. The font which online users have already claimed is ‘a super, super good idea and NOT a waste of time… Read more »

Dozens Of Women Hospitalised By Local Fanny Magnet


THERE were grisly scenes in Waterford city centre this afternoon, after dozens of women suffered severe pubic injuries when a local fanny magnet walked into town. Sean Coughlin, 34, attracted vaginas to himself with such force that in some instances, women reported that their genitals were ripped away from their bodies. Reports have confirmed that Coughlin… Read more »