Nation Finally Waking Up To How Awesome Cocaine Is

IRELAND has begun to question its reliance on alcohol as it’s intoxicant of choice, after hearing nothing but good reports about the energy-packed euphoric goodness of that sweet, sweet cocaine. Once considered a ‘rich man’s drug’, cocaine use has grown in Ireland along with the economy in recent years, with Ireland now the ‘best little… Read more »

Lucky Bastards Can’t Have Kids

A COUNTY Clare couple who were told they could never have kids together by a specialist were branded ‘lucky bastards’ by family and friends, despite desperately trying to conceive for the past 6 years. “I know they’re probably feeling a little deflated now, but when they realise the advantages of not having children then I’m sure they’ll snap… Read more »

Lad Taking Off From Toll Barrier Like Drag Racer

DESPITE no advertised racing event or any visible participants, BMW 3 series owner Martin Ferns watched on precariously as the toll’s red light turned to green before the chequered barrier raised in this his 8th imaginary drag race of the week. Skipping both second and fourth gears for maximum acceleration, Ferns scanned both left and right lanes… Read more »

Try This Delicious Recipe For Halal Coddle

WITH the unstoppable Islamification of Western Europe currently underway, according to a Facebook post your aunt shared, you may be wondering how this will affect the day-to-day lives of ordinary decent, hard working Irish people; in particular, what does it mean for the nation’s favourite meal, a nice steaming hot coddle. Consisting of delicious boiled… Read more »

Husband Stockpiling Comeback Arguments In His Head

FOLLOWING a heated argument over constantly putting side plates on top of dinner plates in the press, local husband Jamie Kehoe vowed to take revenge on his wife’s latest jibe, by carefully compiling a series of comeback arguments in his head for future reference. “Well, at least I don’t leave the shower looking like a hairdresser’s floor,”… Read more »

Motorcyclist Wearing GoPro To Act Heroically At Some Point

REFORMATTING his GoPro’s mini SD card ahead of his early morning commute, Cork motorcyclist Daniel Rotchford catalogued various different possible scenarios along the way, hoping against hope that this was his day, the day his act of kindness goes viral. “Saved a chick out of a nest last week and the stupid battery went on the camera just as I… Read more »