FULLY EMBRACING the concept of Dry January one local man has funneled some quick-dry cement up his nostrils in a bid to curb his use of cocaine over the coming weeks. Expanding on what some consider ‘drastic action’, local man John Shothall explained that he had found Dry January quite easy to complete in previous… Read more »
AFTER CONSISTENT CALLS from animal rights group the specialist skincare range of products under the banner of Dove will cease to mulch dove birds into a white paste for use in all their production. The angelic birds are renowned for their gleaming white feathers, which have skin restorative powers, initially making their bones and flesh… Read more »
MOURNERS packed tightly into the rows of pews housed in the Church of St Ignatius in county Kildare were treated to a beautiful funeral mass celebrating the life of Alan ‘The Hammer’ Lowney who passed away aged 33. Fr. Noel O’Canolyn spoke of the ‘kind-spirited and generous gentle giant’ who had time for everyone and… Read more »
OBSERVERS monitoring the curvature of local woman Emma Downey’s spine as she lounges on the couch watching some soothing trashy TV have predicted a last minute ‘sorry to bail, but reeeeeeally not feeling well’ text fired out to friends whom she had made concrete plans with. Noting how snug she appeared in her big massive… Read more »
STAFF and punters at O’Donnell’s bar in Waterford were said to be at odds over an ongoing queue of sniffling men in the toilets, who appeared to be regularly taking turns using the one and only cubicle in the men’s jacks, WWN has learned. Performing a routine check on the toilet, barman Derek Joy said… Read more »
CLIMATE change? Poor insulation? Magic? Whatever the explanation, one woman WWN spoke too on the subject of temperatures is adamant that she’s warmer when she’s outside exposed to the elements than when she’s inside her Waterford home. Mother-of-four Sheila O’Neal made the announcement about the heat of her house this morning at 11am after returning… Read more »
“Hydration is key”; the phrase most uttered by Dublin woman Susie Breen (27) who since kick-starting a new ‘health and wellness’ routine earlier this year has had a stainless steel water bottle glued to her hand, constantly used to replenish her body’s water stocks. No matter the time of day or social occasion, Breen has… Read more »
A DUBLIN woman has been labelled a boring and most ‘basic’ of bitches by her peers after it emerged she doesn’t even have her nipple pierced. Nipple piercing, which took over from tattoos, which took over from belly button piercing, which took over from eyebrow piercing, which took over from playing with matches as a… Read more »
THERE’S SOME pig ignorant pricks out there on our roads, chief among them idiotic drivers who think they’re big and clever by driving the speed limit. Fifty? FIFTY? Fifty measly kilometres in a fifty kilometre zone? What sort of deviant would debase themselves with such sordid and perverse behaviour? Enough is enough, some of us… Read more »
