Over 400 Million Litres Of Milk Spilled On Tables Every Year Due To Stupid Fucking Dispensers

DECANTING milk from specially designed milk jugs that are incapable of the job see as many as 400 million litres of milk spilled out onto table surfaces and floors every year, the latest research suggests.

“I feel like I’m going insane, the object has one fucking job, to pour milk and the pricks can’t even get that right,” explained lead researcher into all varieties of milk dispensers, Dr Norah King.

Dr King and her team found that 99.4% of all milk jugs fail to transfer milk from the jug to a mug with zero spillage, a shocking statistic which confirms milk jugs may be the most poorly designed products since the chocolate tea pot.

“And what’s wrong with just doing it with the milk carton? Even when you have guests over to the house. Why are we so afraid of a carton of Avonmore on the table? Big Pottery that’s why! Big Pottery has pushed this false narrative that it must be done from a fancy jug, well their days of mind control and guiding us from the shadows is over,” added Dr King.

The damaging study could cost producers of the jugs as much as €10 million in lost sales every year, as people finally realise the receptacles are in no way fit to carry out the task they claim they are designed for.

UPDATE: Police are saying that the death of Dr Norah King in recent hours is not being treated as suspicious and that smashing the back of your head repeatedly with a porcelain jug is a very common method of suicide.

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