Erling Haaland Granted Irish Citizenship

AFTER IRISH officials established tenuous links to Ireland, Erling Braut Haaland is to be granted Irish citizenship, WWN Sports can reveal.

“Are you telling me that isn’t a big Irish head on him?” offered one Irish genealogist, explaining the obvious visual presence of the Norwegian striker’s Irish roots.

“Sure we’re all blond and look like we’re about to disembark a long boat and maraud through a village in the 12th century, that’s as Irish as Guinness,” add the genealogist.

The professionals who traced Haaland’s roots confirmed they were working independently on this project for a number of years and any suggestion this research was only taken up after the full-time whistle rang out in the Azteca stadium in the wee small hours is grossly offensive.

“People might scoff and laugh, and say it’s highly unlikely we managed to trace all 25 players and the coaching staff’s roots all the way back to the pre-famine village of Ányonebutengland, but the historical records prove it,” confirmed Irish officials.

Asked wouldn’t it be easier to highlight the existing roots some of the English squad have in Ireland and take pride in that and use it as a way to cheer on a team, the Irish public confirmed that their ‘capacity for passionate and petty hatred is vastly underestimated’.