Andrew To Hit Jesus Up For Some Saving

REALISING his only remaining route as an outed sex offender, Andrew Windsor has reportedly decided to go down the Jesus path for some good old-fashioned saving, WWN has learned.

Taking a leaf from Russell Brand and, more recently, Conor McGregor’s playbook, the rapist formerly known as Prince is expected to be baptised within the next few months before announcing his devotion to his new lord and saviour, Jesus Christ.

“People should probably expect to see him being baptised by Brand in the River Thames before doing a nice PR tour about how Jesus forgives, no matter what the crime,” a palace source predicted. “Andrew has already asked for Jesus’ number”.

However, a spokesangel for the Department of Jesus has categorically distanced the spiritual leader from all recent associations with famously wealthy men who use his good name to untarnish their muddied reputations.

“Jesus is not the patron saint of rapists, let’s get that clear,” a statement from Christ’s public relations team read. “Please refer to the commandments ‘do not take God’s name in vain’ and ‘do not covet your neighbour’s wife’. If you want forgiveness, then admit what you perverts did first and stop trying to cloak it all under religion. Seriously, we’ll fuck the lot of you straight to hell.”