A LITTLE goodie-two-shoes lick arse is still persisting with wearing a facemask in the supermarket despite such restrictions been lifted weeks ago, WWN can confirm. “I’d say she’s a bit of a dose now in fairness,” one shopper commented, now throwing filthy looks at the person in question as she sanitised her hands for the… Read more »
WHILE completely acknowledging the ‘nuclear grade dickheaded nature’ of what is about to come out of his mouth, local man Paul Traliure has confirmed it’s time for him to move on from this war in Ukraine business. “Some would say three weeks is a worryingly brief time for a horrific and still-unfolding war to cease… Read more »
A LOCAL dad with zero history in stand-up comedy has totally owned his 6-year-old son after the child left himself wide open to ridicule by stating he was hungry and wanted some food, WWN has learned. Cathal Moran, who works in engineering, made worldwide news today for his witty and quick retort, sparking offers of… Read more »
CALORIE burning incentivising fitness tech giant Fitbit has confirmed the wrist burning quality of over 1.7 million of their products, forcing a massive recall and a mad scramble among customers who can’t remember when they last used their one. “The little buzzing, the ‘up your step count’ reminders… I lasted two days with that shite… Read more »
LOCAL woman Fiona McCally is wondering if she should start shopping for a bonnet and black cape in the wake of a five minute break from the searing bright light of her phone burning into her retina. “I’d say yeah, I’m at peace, very Zen. No longer a slave to the trappings of modern life… Read more »
STILL sticking to your new year diet? Well, a new study has shown that it doesn’t really matter anymore, so you can go ahead and continue to eat like an animal for all the difference it makes. The paper, titled ‘The Onset Of A Global Shutdown & Why Your Diet Just Means A Lighter Coffin… Read more »
WITH the end of the Covid-19 pandemic in sight, Waterford man Eamon O’Mallen is confident that the same blue-and-white medical face-mask he’s been using since June of 2020 will ‘go the distance’, WWN can sadly report. “It was my daughter who got me a mask back when all this started, saying ‘Dad would you for… Read more »
AN INCREDIBLY hungover man who smells like he showered in fermented bin juice is sheepishly trudging through town, casting meek glances at people, hopeful they are unable to catch a whiff of his pungent nostril-imploding aroma. “If I just stay down wind, no one is going to get a whiff,” reasoned light headed and paranoid… Read more »
BAR AND NIGHTCLUB patrons across the country have called on establishments to allocate new designated cocaine cubicles in a bid to curb large queues of men and women in pub toilets, WWN has learned. The proposal comes after an influx of snow hoofing young people have flocked to Ireland’s venues in some kind of post-pandemic… Read more »
