Local Man Doing GP Sick Notes For Crate Of Tuborg If Anyone’s Interested

FACED with a national GP shortage, enterprising local man Padjo Whelan, 39, has stepped in to fill the void, offering budget sick notes in exchange for crates of Tuborg, WWN can reveal.

Undercutting actual doctors by up to 70%, Whelan is tapping into the growing demand for hassle-free sick certs.

“If you want to throw in a small pouch of Amber Leaf and a package of skins, I’ll give you the full week off,” Whelan said, speaking to WWN outside Centra earlier today.

With employers across the country now forced to accept digital sick certs – often issued without any consultation with a doctor at all – Whelan’s business model has found fertile ground.

“If you’ve got a dose of that mental health, I can do you for two whole weeks off. But that’s gonna cost at least a few bottles of Absolut,” he added when asked whether he felt any guilt about employers footing the bill for employees gaming the system with unwarranted certs.

“Don’t be using them with the welfare crowd, though – they’re wide to all this craic. Don’t take the piss and you’ll be grand.”

With a looming wave of GP retirements threatening to leave parts of the country without access to GP care, Whelan expects his sick note sideline to thrive ‘at least until some bollocks in government shuts me down.’

“Also, I’ve a load of Glastonbury 2026 tickets if anyone’s looking,” he added, before spotting a patrolling Garda car on the quays and legging it.

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