PEOPLE around the country are celebrating the drop in temperatures, bringing an end to unseasonable mild spell and ushering in the perfect excuse not to exercise. Already trading in well established excuses for why they can’t join a gym which include claustrophobia and an allergy to PTs, many exercise shy people were still feeling the… Read more »
AS THE opportunity to attend pubs and get togethers return with greater regularity, the National Association of Coke Users have been forced reissue a statement for the attention of all dry shites. “It’s only a bit of coke,” confirmed the brief statement aimed at trying to bring an end to dry shites who wreck the… Read more »
“AS YOU can see from the latest modeling I’ve done, it’s concerning stuff. We spend exactly 30% of the week together currently close to 100% has zero instances of craic, and with NPHET saying people should reduce their social contacts by 30%…” local boyfriend Michael Canton said, sharing the regrettable but very responsible sounding news… Read more »
ABSENTMINDEDLY trotting out her go-to phrase she hopes diffuses whatever family tensions have arisen now, local mother Eve Carton has once again confirmed “sure, you know what your father’s like”. “I don’t even listen to whatever the kids are complaining about now, I just read the frustration on their faces and tell them he’s not… Read more »
THE soaring rates of cocaine usage in every city, town, village and townland in Ireland is causing huge confusion among the dating population, according to a new survey that shows the meaning of ‘doing a line’ has tipped in favour of drug-taking. “I was out on a Tinder meet-up with a lad and he asked… Read more »
SOME complete and utter prick has called right on the drop of your favourite track forcing Spotify to pause, presenting an irate you with a decision on whether to answer your phone and engage with the inconsiderate asshole or not, WWN has learned. Calling as the hairs on the back of your neck were literally… Read more »
INFAMOUS for his brash and cocky ways, the original rowdy buccaneer who prided himself on causing mayhem on nights out with the boys has finally settled down, ending one of the most banter filled era’s of bachelor-dom on record, WWN can confirm. “Some man for one man, never thought I’d seem him settle,” confirmed proud… Read more »
HOPEFUL that six long months of treating his mouth like a radioactive bin and treating it with the sort of neglect that should probably be a crime is easily reversible, local man Ciaran Faolin is now frantically brushing his teeth in the vain attempt to counteract the self-inflicted abuse. Adding a second brush into the… Read more »
BET into her sitting room couch like a soggy cream cracker, local woman Treena Ryan has called on the government to revisit the idea of assisted dying after downing a half bottle of vodka, six glasses of wine, four Jager bombs and an extra spicey kebab tray late last night. Ryan, who is only 37-years-old,… Read more »
