Nothing Compares To Wave Of Peace That Crashes Over Local Father When He’s Browsing Woodies

WATERFORD FATHER Noel Power has credited his local DIY emporium with delivering onto him a rare sense of calm that eludes even the greatest practitioners of zen meditation.

“I can’t explain it, but when I’m searching for the right drill bit it’s total Nirvana,” explained Power, who remains a constant source of negative grousing within his own home but is transformed when browsing Woodies.

Power highlighted the fact that he could probably find whatever item he’s looking for within seconds if he asks staff for help, but prefers to aimlessly walk to aisles for upwards of two hours.

“And to think some eejits spend thousands on retreats at the foothills of the Himalayas for the sort of peace I achieve every weekend off the Cork Road,” said Power, now running his hands over BBQ set after BBQ set and testing out the comfort of 84 different outdoor chairs.

Only once his initial browsing is finished does Power enter a higher plane of being by finally engaging staff and grilling them about the technical aspects of sanders, halogen heaters, trailing sockets and radiator covers.

“Troubles? What troubles, I’ve just spent 18 minutes learning about the Bosch Cordless Chainsaw 18v,” added Power who then took his final serene form by guffawing repeatedly in a dismissive fashion at the news that the chainsaw has a 79 minute charge time.

Power’s tranquil demeanour has led to a growing number of yogi masters traveling from India and turning up to the Woodies’ branch in search of self-actualisation.