“Other Drivers Must Think I’m Max Verstappen” Thinks Speeding Motorist About To Be Named Locally

IRATE that the car two feet in front of him is only doing 125km/h, Dublin commuter Darren Thomas furiously flashed his headlights again to signal that yes, he drives an Audi A7, and yes, he might very well be Max Verstappen in a rush to get to a race. All other motorists, naturally, should bow to his brilliance.

“If you can’t drive as fast as me, then get out of my way. Simple!” declared the father-of-two-soon-to-be orphans, as he weaved between lanes to make it home in time for a completely arbitrary self-imposed curfew. A curfew, it should be noted, that exists for no reason other than Darren being a man with an inflated sense of urgency.

Spotting a similarly specced rival in his rear-view mirror, Thomas pressed harder on the accelerator. A BMW 7 Series was closing in, and the sacred law of male motorway jousting demanded escalation.

“Hmmm, a 7 Series with all the trimmings. We might have a challenger,” mused the 37-year-old account executive, his pulse quickening. His eyes flicked between the road ahead, the mirror, and the rival vehicle – his brain now hijacked by a primal urge to win at a game no one else was playing.

“The bastard’s moving into the middle lane – he’s trying to flank me on the inside. Not on my watch,” bellowed Ireland’s self-declared best driver. He swerved to block the manoeuvre, failing to notice a lorry simultaneously veering into the same lane from the other side.

The Audi was obliterated on impact.

Darren Thomas, who will now be ‘named locally’ tragically lost not only his life but more importantly, the race of a lifetime.

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