No Cure For Anxiety Induced From Someone’s Else’s Phone Having Same Alarm As You


DESPITE pouring hundreds of millions of euro into cutting edge research, scientists are no closer to a cure for the deeply anxious state people are plunged into upon hearing their phone alarm chiming from another person’s phone.

“I nearly had a heart attack. When I heard the alarm I instantly thought I wasn’t out to dinner but had dreamed it all and was actually sleeping in and late for work,” said one ‘alarm anxiety’ sufferer Elaine Lane, describing the moment she heard someone else’s identical phone alarm ring out.

Scientists who have spent decades trying to find a cure have spoken of the devastating impact alarm anxiety can have on people.

“It’s fight or flight when someone hears the same alarm as theirs out in the wild. Either someone rips the offending person’s phone in half with their bare hands or they panic and run directly into a nearby wall, there’s no in between,” explained Dr. Alan Young.

An awareness campaign has been launched aimed at reminding people to be mindful of the 91% of the population who are plunged into the panic the second they hear a phone alarm, call or text notifications.

“We’re asking complete dickheads not to have their alarms at full volume and not to use it in public as reminders for things like ‘call John later’. That’s not what alarms are for they are for setting to go off at 8.59am giving you ample time to prepare for your 9am working from home start,”

Elsewhere, people who forget to turn off their 7am alarm on Saturdays only have themselves to blame.