School Principal Waterboards Parents Who Have Failed To Pay Voluntary Contribution Charge

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IN A CHANGE of policing for the academic year, a local Dublin principal has made clear that she will be getting the voluntary contribution payment, which is compulsory, from every parent regardless of their financial circumstances and do so by any means necessary.

“I got the idea when an old documentary on the war in Iraq came on the TV,” said principal Carmel Rutte, as she poured water over the face of a parent which was covered in cloth in a bid to replicate the feeling of drowning that only the waterboarding torture method can deliver.

“There was a time when parents knew to pay the voluntary contribution ASAP or else it would lead to a flurry of reminder letters and embarrassing their children in class by pointing out their parents as broke cheap skates but with the cost-of-living squeeze, we’ve moved on to other measures,” added Rutte over the desperate pleas for mercy from the drowning parent.

Not content with changing schoolbooks every year and springing several last-minute costly field trip days on parents, the principal at St Fergal of The Deviated Septum secondary school is hoping her first victims will serve as a lesson to any holdouts.

“Yes, you clothe, feed and buy books for your children, and you pay for this school and staff salaries through general taxation, but you need to cough up more because frankly this place is falling apart,” confirmed Rutte to more parents, after climbing in through their bedroom window and pointing a gun at their heads.

Far from at risk of being disciplined, Rutte has been praised for being one of the few school principals with a relaxed approach to voluntary compulsory contributions.

 

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