Cure Pints The Best Pints, Study Finds


PROVING what many Irish people have known for centuries, a team of doctors and scientists have finally confirmed that cure pints are indeed the best pints one can ever ingest during their drinking lifetime.

Carried out after a major session on Saturday afternoon to late evening, the team spent 14 hours on the absolute lash before making their way to a kebab house to discuss their findings so far.

“I really enjoyed the pints today… hic… but the real test will come tomorrow when we meet up for scoops after lunch,” lead researcher Professor Dermot Lannigan explained, horsing into a kebab tray with extra chili sauce as part of the experiment.

Reconvening the following day, the medical professionals eased in with a round of Bloody Marys before tackling the final stage of their study, some gloriously creamy pints.

“Aw fucking hell lads, that’s beautiful – it’s like an angel ejaculating on my tongue,” one scientist noted, skulling an entire pint in mere seconds.

“There’s an awful taste of more off that alright,” another chimed in, tears of joy now streaming down his face.

“I’d gladly die on this stool here as a very happy man, Jesus you can’t beat the cure all the same,” another scientist reported, before ordering an additional round of brewskis, just to make sure.

Summarising the study on Monday, the team concluded that yes, cure pints are indeed the absolute best, however, delaying the hangover for another day does have its consequences, but jointly agreed that ‘it was all fucking worth it’, vowing to meet up after work in the local to finalise their findings.