Always Some Bollocks In Your Way When You’re Late, Finds Study

WHETHER it’s for work, an event or even a life and death emergency, there will always some bollocks in your way preventing you from getting there on time, a groundbreaking new study has finally proven.

A group of researchers in Ireland spent one year making themselves purposely 5 minutes late for several appointments to find that yes, the later you are, the more other people tend to get in your way.

“There seems to be some kind of unwritten law of attraction, whereby slower moving individuals become almost magnetically drawn in front of faster moving subjects, forcing them to be even later than they are like some kind of cosmic joker is at play,” the published report stated.

The official findings sparked a debate around whether shunting slow-moving people out of the way can be legally introduced into Irish society, especially on Irish roads.

“There may be some health and safety issues with this proposal, but shunting a driver going 60kmph in an 80kmph zone onto the hard shoulder or ditch would probably solve a lot of time issues for people trying to get places,” the report suggested, obviously sick of spending the last year late for everything while carrying out the research.

“We’re not saying to violently make someone crash their vehicle, all we’re suggesting is a gentle bumper tip to move that slow bollocks out of the way,” the report concluded.