“It’s Like Culchie Christmas”: How To Explain The Ploughing Championships To A Dub

SCENES of families being buried in a muddy grave in a car park in Laois aside, the Ploughing Championships represent the pinnacle of culchie culture and the most enjoyable experience on Planet Farming.

However, it’s still a struggle for urban Dubs to comprehend such things. To help Dubliners better understand to unique draw of the championships, WWN asked attendees to explain in terms them up in Dublin would understand:

“A culchie watching competitive ploughing is a serene contentment few of us will ever know but it’s basically the same thrill vegans would get from watching The Happy Pear wrestle in a paddling pool of organic fair trade jelly”.

“It’s like the Brown Thomas Stephens’ Day sales but for lads buying Massey Fergusons. It’s culchie Christmas, well an additional culchie Christmas to actual culchie Christmas. And FYI, the Rose of Tralee is basically our New Year’s Eve and any Garth Brooks gig is Halloween”.

“It’s the Taylor Swift Eras tour but instead of crowds of screaming young women unable to control themselves, there’s a crowd of lads in Ben Sherman shirts attending a cow insemination seminar, it’s somehow wildly different but the same”.

“Look you don’t have to ‘get’ it, culchies don’t get why Dubs all have the same haircut, wear Canada Goose like it’s a uniform or talk in a whiny high pitch frequency only dogs can hear”.

“You know how you and your hipster mates react to a new craft beer? Well imagine 80 craft beer festivals happening at once and it’s just as much a meat market as Harcourt Street at 2am”.

“It’s like a horror movie in which everywhere you turn there’s thousands of Two Johnnies”.