Tag: trump

“Oh Please Not More Tarrifs, You’re Really Tickling Us” – Xi Jinping

CHINESE President Xi Jinping has called on the United States to stop imposing new tarrifs on all Chinese goods, stating that it’s starting to tickle the nation and making everyone laugh. Chuckling to himself at an official press conference, the 66-year-old general secretary of the Communist Party of China struggled to hold back tears of laughter as… Read more »

Get A Load Of This Cunt

IN A series of tweets which will invigorate his supporters who respond positively to his universal message of hating people who aren’t white, notorious thunder-cunt Donald Trump has again dragged American politics and its discourse to depths where only oddly translucent blob fish in the Mariana Trench have dared to plunge before. “Get a load… Read more »

Court Rules Trump Can’t Block Critics On Twitter So Here’s 38 Insults To Send To Him

A US federal court of appeal has ruled that US Donald Trump cannot block his vocal critics on Twitter as it would impeded their First Amendment right to free speech on matters of public concern. The thin-oranged-skinned Republican will now have to unblock 7 of his critics who were part of the successful legal challenge… Read more »

“Obama Brought The Woman He Was Sleeping With Everywhere And Nobody Complained”

US President Donald Trump has lashed out at criticisms surrounding his daughter Ivanka’s attendance at the recent G20 summit of world leaders, bitterly remarking that there were no complaints when former presidents brought along ‘the women they were sleeping with’. Journalists at the hastily arranged press conference took a moment to process what the president… Read more »

Revealed: Donald Trump’s ‘Type’

PRESIDENT Donald Trump has responded to the latest allegations of sexual assault by stating in very frank terms that his accuser ‘is not his type’ when it comes to sexual assault, which seems to us to be a pretty watertight defence against claims of impropriety. But if E. Jean Carroll, or indeed any of the… Read more »

“I’ll War Next Term, Promise”

DEFENDING his cautious approach to the downing of a military surveillance drone over Iranian waters last week, US President Donald Trump reassured National Security Adviser John Bolton that he will definitely war next term and that he just “isn’t feeling Iran at the moment”. Calling off a military airstrike on Thursday against Iran at the last minute,… Read more »

Guinness Plunges 956785 Points On Stock Exchange

POPULAR beverage manufacturers Guinness posted an all-time record loss on the stock exchange yesterday, following leaked images of Donald Trump Jnr. and Eric Trump enjoying what appeared to be full pints of seagull droppings in a Co. Clare pub, WWN Finance can confirm. This notes the first day of unprofitability in the company’s 260 year… Read more »