Tag: instant

“This Is Not An Election Budget” Confirms Taoiseach Day Before Election Budget

TAOISEACH LEO Varadkar has rubbished claims that tomorrow Budget 2019 is an election budget, WWN can confirm. Speaking while handing out ‘Vote Fine Gael’ leaflets at a Dart station in Dublin, the Taoiseach confirmed the budget was merely a sensible and prudent budget that was definitely not full of carrots being dangled before the electorate…. Read more »

Guide To Queuing For A Donut

AS TROUBLING reports continue to emerge from Dublin regarding residents attempting to queue for donuts, WWN has resolved to help guide people in a practice they were clearly unprepared for. Consulting with the preeminent international experts in both queuing and donuts, WWN have been able to create this priceless and clearly much needed guide: 1)… Read more »

McGregor Does Nothin’

IN A COMPLETE departure from much of his pre-fight bravado and prediction making it was revealed in the early hours of Sunday morning that Irish MMA fighter Conor McGregor had in fact done nothin’. Bemused UFC fights fans watched on as now 27-0 Khabib Nurmagomedov dominated the headline fight at UFC 229, reducing McGregor do… Read more »

Lyons Launch First Tea Making Barista Course

FOLLOWING in the footsteps of coffee, Irish tea blender Lyons have announced a four year tea making course in the hopes of eradicating poorly brewed cups of tea in Ireland, WWN can confirm. The announcement comes just days after a study into tea making revealed that 67% of Irish men and women can’t make a decent cup… Read more »

Mike Tyson Reassures Ronaldo Everybody Forgets About It Eventually

AS reports of accusations of rape made against the world’s most recognisable athlete, Cristiano Ronaldo, slowly but surely begin to make page 48 of a few newspapers, boxing legend Mike Tyson has spoken publicly to reassure Ronaldo people just sort of forget about you raping someone sometimes when you’re famous enough. Tyson, jailed for 6… Read more »

Local Man Doesn’t Like Texting, Answering Phone

A HARD to contact Waterford Man has exclusively revealed to WWN that he is incredibly reluctant to answer phone calls or answer texts. Damien Townsend, 33, has developed a pronounced allergy to answering his phone over the past decade often resulting him seeing the name of a friend, family member or co-worker flash up on… Read more »