Tag: instant

Local Dickhead Spends 45 Minutes Choosing Craft Beer

A LOCAL Dublin dickhead with a penchant for only the finest, most ludicrously named craft beers has been in his local off licence agonising over which craft beers to place in his basket for nearly 45 minutes, WWN can exclusively reveal. 28-year-old Gary Penrose’s personality and self of self worth is so closely wrapped up… Read more »

‘Grossly Unfair’ For British Soldiers Who Murdered People, To Face Charges For Murder

SENIOR BRITISH military officials past and present have come forward once again to confirm that it would be just terribly unfair altogether if any British soldiers, who murdered 14 innocent civilians in the 1972 Bloody Sunday massacre, were to be held to account and face charges ranging from ‘murder’ all the way up to ‘murder’…. Read more »

Local Man Too Hungry To Chance The Falafel

A FAMISHED Waterford man currently trying to decide what to eat for lunch has confirmed he is actually “too hungry” to try the Falafel, but promised to make the decision to eat one someday, just not today. Mark Ryan, 44, who could probably do with losing a few pounds now that he thinks about it, has… Read more »

Peregrine Falcon-Friendly Cafe Closes Amid Safety Concerns

WATERFORD’S first and only peregrine falcon-friendly cafe has closed its doors after less than a week, with the owners fleeing the country amid dozens of compensation claims from customers injured by a number of the beautiful but deadly birds of prey while enjoying their americanos and €9 panini sandwiches. Copying the business model of dog-friendly… Read more »

Waterford Whispers News Live Show

Waterford Whispers News is dedicated to bringing you, the public, all the essential news and having discovered injecting the news directly into your veins is illegal (thanks health and safety laws) we will instead deliver it to your eyes and ears in a live setting. Get news’d in the face at the following venues with… Read more »

Cadbury Unveil New Derry Milk Bar

IN a bid to combine potential customers’ love of chocolate and the county of Derry, chocolate confectionery behemoth Cadbury have announced the launch of a Derry Milk variety of bar. The announcement been met with delight by Derry natives and chocolate lovers in equal measure, with such enthusiasm for the new addition ensuring the demand… Read more »