So Your Local Pub Has Failed A Health Inspection: Here’s What Happens Next

YOU’VE enjoyed countless pints there. Dozens of delicious carvery dinners. Maybe even the occasional bowl of spicy chicken wings if you were feeling peckish while watching the football with the lads. But now, your beloved local pub has been shut down following a slew of health and safety violations. Here’s how this will effect you:

Your pub will be shut for a while

As the various grotesque messes are tidied up around your local, you may find yourself in search of a new pub for a while. Although it is against your genetic make-up to walk past a pub to get to another pub, you may be forced to endure this hassle for some time, depending on what level of shithole your old boozer turned out to be.

When your pub re-opens, you may find it a bit odd

Now that your pub has been scrubbed up and meets the relevant health and safety codes, it may have lost a lot of its charm and character. Everything tastes different before everything was clean. The old dirty pots they tossed your wings in really seem to have added flavour to them. You never thought you would miss not being able to smell human farts from the nearby toilet, but here we are.

Find a new pub, if you can 

If you can find a pub that doesn’t conform to health and safety, keep it to yourself. These places are treasures, and getting rarer with every inspection. Enjoy it while it lasts, and remember that as long as the place doesn’t sicken you, then what harm is it doing?