“No Sense In Having Government Jet If You Don’t Show It Off”


THE government has sternly announced that it didn’t purchase a jet aircraft ‘to sit in a hangar somewhere’, and that they will continue to buzz around the place in the aircraft as and when they see fit.

“You know how you have to take your shitty 08 reg diesel car out for a good spin on the motorway every now and then to clear the filter and keep it from clapping out on you? Well the government jet is like that,” said the government’s Perks Officer, following complaints that Health Minister Stephen Donnelly had recently used the aircraft instead of flying commercially to a meeting in Brussels.

“You know, if we don’t use the jet, the leather in the seats gets a little stiffer than it should be. The air conditioning smells a little off. Things that we wouldn’t expect you lot to understand, but please know this. Our ministers have a jet, they’re going to use it. Get over it”.

Elsewhere, Donnelly himself remained unrepentant for his use of the jet when several other commercial options were open to him, with sources scoffing that if the Health Minister wanted to fly coach like all you plebs, he wouldn’t have jumped ship to Fianna Fáil from the Social Democrats in 2017.

“People are always going to be jealous of ballers,” stated one source close to Donnelly, before adding that the TD’s perfectly aerodynamic dome meant that the flight was basically carbon neutral.