Everything You Need To Know About Andrew Tate


GAINING media prominence once more in recent months which has culminated in his arrest, the 36-year-old ‘influencer’ remains in police custody in Romania, but who is Andrew Tate and what do you need to know about him?

Truthfully you don’t need to know anything, turn back now. OK, if you insist:

Stands accused of rape, human trafficking and being part of an organised crime group by Romanian authorities.

Stands accused of being a legend by your weird cousin the family no longer talks to.

His hairline left him after disagreement over his opinions on women.

Current car collection is ‘prison van’.

If explosive diarrhea was a person.

As part of his human trafficking empire, admitted in videos to posing as cam-girls online and writing sexually-charged messages to men which is… a bit weird.

Fighting record remain 0 wins, 1 loss via knockout by lightweight Greta Thunberg.

Has made it easier on prosecuting authorities by straight up admitting to his crimes on camera multiple times.

Other names he’s known under include Andrew Taint, Alpha Fail, MLM (Multi-level misogynist), Jeffrey No-spleen, Basement-Dwelling Virgins’ Jesus.

Refers to himself as ‘Top G’ but will most likely be a bottom in prison.

Was removed as a contestant from Big Brother when a video emerged of him beating a woman with a belt, marking the first and only time Big Brother exhibited morals of any sort.

Offers ‘wealth training courses’ on his website to teenage boys who have yet to discover what a pyramid scheme is.

Has found the method of openly taunting authorities stating ‘you can’t touch me’ to be unrewarding.

Claims to have recently converted to Islam, but he remains ‘a bit much’ for hardliners such as ISIS.

Cited as a growing figure of influence among teenage boys which beg the question whatever happened to Pokemon cards and yoyos?

Is currently looking into how to hire Johnny Depp’s PR team.

Has opened up a philosophical quagmire due to the fact that if ‘snitches get stitches’ what does one get when one snitches on oneself?

Followers get very angry when you take his words in full context and quote them back to them.

More toxic than Chernobyl.

A study carried out by MIT concluded that Tate’s voice is more irritating to the ear than a bus load of deranged cats being feed into a meat grinder.