STAFF shortages in the nation’s ICU units may have been solved by an innovative contraption currently under trial in St. Vincent’s University Hospital in Dublin, where a tethered farm animal following a carrot on a stick is ‘pretty much running the show’. Conditions at St. Vincent’s have reached such a critical stage that staff were… Read more »
SINN FÉIN have finished construction of a massive shrine to the housing crisis after the party carved out a 10-point lead in the latest opinion poll. The construction represents the only building the party’s local councillors haven’t voted against in recent years, and is seen as a tribute to just one of 151 ongoing crises… Read more »
INSPIRED by the current Netflix hit show, the Irish government believes it has hit upon a way to reduce the number of people still clinging onto the pandemic unemployment payment. “Obviously we can’t actually carry out Squid Game in full that would be ridiculous, so we’re cutting out some elements like the cash prize for… Read more »
SHOCKED by the Pandora Papers leaks, the world’s rich, among them political leaders, have taken stock of the hoarding of wealth and significant tax evasion they’ve been caught partaking in yet again and vowed to do their best to crack down on anyone claiming one cent more than they’re entitled to in welfare. “I suppose… Read more »
A STRESSED out DUP leader Jeffrey Donaldson and his party fossils are said to be longing for the simpler times before the introduction of the immovable presence of the Northern Ireland protocol, when the hardest problem to solve was eradicating gay cakes. “It’s much easier pretending gay cakes are the biggest threat to humanity than… Read more »
PRESIDENT Joe Biden has received a Covid-19 booster shot today, with White House staff admitting that they were surprised at the tapestry of tattoos that was revealed when the 78-year old rolled up his sleeve. “Definitely didn’t have him down as a fan of 1980 gangster rap pioneers N.W.A” admitting Nurse June Bakefield, who said… Read more »
AFTER years of bombardment from North Korea, a spokesperson for the Sea of Japan has offered its surrender, calling for the rogue state to cease all missile strikes against the giant mass of seawater, WWN reports. Waving a large white flag from the depths of the ocean, the Sea of Japan stated that the ongoing… Read more »
THE government has bowed to pressure from nobody and agreed to allow an extra bank holiday this year that was demanded by nobody, WWN can report. “You’re welcome” beamed Taoiseach Micheál Martin, during the announcement of a new bank holiday sometime between now and Christmas that should ‘prove to be a suitable reward for the… Read more »
FRANKLY bored of the efficient continuity that delivered 16 years of Angela Merkel and her CDU party leading governments, Germans have voted overwhelmingly for a bit of that instability that’s so popular across much of the European continent. “Sure, we’re used to coalitions, but what about an unstable one that takes months to form and… Read more »
SAVVY householders may be able to escape savage energy price hikes if they had the foresight to keep the easily combustible pamphlets distributed by their local TDs over the last few years, WWN can confirm. “In most locales around the country, government TDs have issued leaflets year-round promising that their constituents are ‘doing fine and… Read more »