Green Party Totally Full Of Carbon-Neutral Shit


EAMON Ryan has justified business class flights made by himself and members of his party by claiming that any impact on the climate is offset by the fact that the Green Party is full of energy efficient, 100% plastic-free, biodegradable and carbon-neutral horse shit.

Members of the Green Party, including Ryan himself and deputy leader Catherine Martin, booked themselves into taxpayer-funded business class on flights to overseas meetings that couldn’t possibly have taken place in a near carbon-neutral virtual environment, seemingly at odds with the party’s environmental stance.

However, the argument that a business class seat incurs three times the carbon burden of an economy seat was brushed aside by Green Party ministers, who stated that because they’re doing such good work for the environment the whole thing ‘evens itself out’, before adding that ministers ‘don’t even watch the little telly’ in the air resulting in further carbon efficiencies.

“We’ve spent years gutting the turf industry in the midlands, so surely that buys us a little bit of extra legroom when we’re on a long haul flight,” explained a spokesperson for the Greens over Zoom, so apparently they do have the technology if they want to use it.

“And every time you buy a bag of coal or fill your car with petrol, just know that the carbon tax we’ve helped impose on that sale has bought a TD the right to a comfortable flight, not an elbow-to-elbow nightmare with the rest of the people crammed into economy like cattle. Honestly, what would you be saying if ministers like Eamon were to fall asleep in the middle of an important meeting? Again?”.

Meanwhile Eamon Ryan has apologised for his comments in 2019 that a town of 300 residents in rural Ireland only needed 30 cars, stating that with fresh calculations he can get that down to 23 cars and four eScooters.