Brief Conversation With Neighbour Easily The Most Excruciating Experience Known To Man


CONFRONTED by the sight of a neighbour lingering their driveway and engaging you conversation is the most excruciatingly experience a human can endure, according the latest groundbreaking research.

“We fitted a number of neurotransmitters and pain receptor recorders on introverted and grumpy Irish people to record how little they enjoyed being forced to chat about the weather with Fidelma from next door and the results astounded use,” confirmed lead researcher Caoimhe Canton.

According to the findings, being stopped by a particularly painful neighbour for a particularly painful chat, no matter how brief, can be more excruciating than going through child birth on an electric chair while have your chin hairs pulled out by tweezers.

“We couldn’t quite believe it ourselves but the rambling, ambling tangent taking chit chat coming from an unmerciful bore is something people would throw themselves in front of a train to avoid,” added Canton, kind of dragging the arse out of the conversation herself.

The advice for neighbour-avoiders remains the same; always check your windows first for evidence of neighbours before leaving the house, and in the event of returning to the house only to find a neighbour out on the street make an exaggerated ‘feck sake what am I like’ expression and drive off like you’ve forgotten something never ever to return again.