“What’s Spanish For ‘My Pissbag Is Full’?”: How You Can Prepare For Surgery Abroad

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A NEW state of the art hospital in Spain has opened which will cater to Irish patients awaiting surgery at home but unable to due to the fact of the HSE existing in its current form.

Part of the EU Cross Border Directive some 1500 Irish patients per year, who have been waiting longer than movie fans were for a sequel to Top Gun, will be able to pay upfront for surgery in Spain before being reimbursed in predictably swift fashion.

WWN Health has assembled a number of healthcare experts to help Irish patients navigate having their surgeries abroad in unfamiliar surroundings:

– You may have simple medical requests you will need to ask.

English: My piss bag is full.

Spanish: Mi bolsa de orina está llena.

– You might have to navigate significant cultural differences.

English: A trolley? You don’t? They’re like beds, only in Ireland you use them to put an 80-year-old on that you want to ignore for a week

Spanish: ¿Un carro? tu no? Son como camas, solo que en Irlanda las usas para poner a un hombre de 80 años que quieres ignorar por una semana.

– It’s important to clarify what procedure you’ve had done and what rehab may be involved.

English: What do you mean my new teeth are made out of soggy toilet paper?

Turkish: Yeni dişlerim ıslak tuvalet kağıdından ne demek?

– Things get complicated when you run into an Irish nurse who emigrated abroad for better pay and working conditions

Filipino: Sorry nahihirapan akong intindihin ka nurse. Nasanay na akong pag-usapan ang mga medikal na isyu ko sa Filipino sa mga Filipino nurse sa bahay.

English: Sorry I’m struggling to understand you nurse. I’ve gotten so used to discussing my medical issues in Filipino with Filipino nurses back home.

– And while you’re over there, it wouldn’t hurt to learn about foreign health services.

English: Does your health service also spend billions of euro which it then can’t account for when the Department of Health asks for receipts?

Spanish: ¿Su servicio de salud también gasta miles de millones de euros que luego no puede contabilizar cuando el Departamento de Salud solicita los recibos?

– While you’re there, don’t just stop at surgery if you have other medical conditions.

English: Sorry, I don’t understand I spoke of having a mental health condition but you haven’t told me to just go for a run. Are you sure you’re qualified?

Spanish: Lo siento, no entiendo, hablé de tener una condición de salud mental, pero no me has dicho que solo saliera a correr. ¿Estás seguro de que estás calificado?

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