WATERFORD man Eric Carragher’s current expertise in the fields of virology and immunology was not apparent when he attended St Davros Secondary, according to classmates who remember his as the guy who once stuck a sewing needle through the palm of his hand and out the other side, for a dare. “I took a look… Read more »
A GALWAY nursing home has been hit by a potentially lethal second wave of government inaction as it made desperate and heartbreaking appeals for help as 26 of its 28 residents contracted Covid-19 along with 17 staff members, creating a devastating crisis of care. The unfolding crisis in the nursing home is just the latest… Read more »
THE ongoing Covid-19 pandemic continues to play out like the jiggling of unblemished skin covering the sumptuous cleavage of a buxom woman as she runs through a meadow, according to Waterford man Cathal McPenning. “With every news broadcast, all I see are 3D CGI reconstructions of the virus, represented as two glycoprotein-covered diddies, before they… Read more »
ABSEILING down abandoned mine shafts, exploring long forgotten caves on uninhabited islands, climbing to previously unreachable mountain tops, politicians of all shapes, sizes and questionable brain power have discovered the once mythical topic of ‘mental health’. Many speaking passionately for the very first time about a subject they have resolutely ignored, politicians are bravely now… Read more »
FRESH from the Taoiseach revealing he only learned about the recent, probably fairly inconsequential collapse of the country’s contact tracing system via an Irish Times article, today has brought yet another embarrassing incident for the hapless three-party government. “Eh, sorry lads,” shared a sheepish Minister for Health Stephen Donnelly to firemen arriving at the scene… Read more »
“NO-ONE could have foreseen that the HSE would need increased resources and supports in areas such as contact tracing coming into winter,” confirmed the government as it announced plans to hand over the responsibility for contact tracing to local Facebook groups throughout the villages and towns of Ireland. A hotbed of local intrigue and rumour,… Read more »
A HAGGARD man with matted hair, jaundiced skin and a pronounced paunch, who claims to be from the future, has soothed the nation by claiming that after the 27th or so lockdown you sort of get used to it. “I haven’t traveled back in time to give a stark warning or urge a drastic change… Read more »
THE IRISH government is set to place the country into Level 5 for six weeks, as a result of finally getting around to reading a text message NPHET sent two weeks ago, in which it urged such immediate action in a bid to reverse the worrying increase in Covid-19 cases. “Only seeing this now,” Micheál… Read more »
FEARS are increasing that there will be a need for a second, separate inquiry into authorities’ failure to prevent Covid-19 clusters in nursing homes when it almost inevitably occurs a second time, even though the inquiry into how it happened the first time has yet to start. “Feck sake, not another possibly avoidable batch of… Read more »
THE HSE are confident that their supplies of personal protection equipment will ‘hold firm’ over the treacherous winter months ahead, after investing in a number of litter-picker-upper tools and a big box of Daz. “Walk around any town, any hedgerow, any lane; masks are more plentiful than blackberries. Some people are just throwing them away!”… Read more »