WATERFORD man William Henderson is this morning shaking off the effects of a hard night of substantial meals with the lads, during their tearful reunion with their local pub which does food now, apparently. Henderson, along with Derek Adams, Headsy, maybe Paul Malone was there too but nobody is sure; hit the Wheelrim Arms at half… Read more »
“ALL weekend long, I’ve just had ‘Fiesta’ by The Pogues playing at full blast” beamed a jubilant Simon Harris, his youth flushing back to his cheeks for the first time since taking up the position of Minister For Health in 2016. “Same here, except I was pumping out ‘Sandstorm’ by Darude” giggled former Minister For… Read more »
THE WORLD has breathed a sigh of relief at the news that Dublin based taxi driving immunologist Noel Shields has angrily stated for the umpteenth time this week that their won’t be a second wave, therefore making any expert stating otherwise look utterly foolish, WWN can report. Despite a resurgence of the disease in various… Read more »
WITH WORD circulating that wearing face masks on public transport could become compulsory, WWN took to the streets to garner the Irish public’s opinion on the matter. The Irish people, famously reserved and reluctant to give their opinion especially on matters they are ill-informed on, were tough to coax reactions from, but WWN did its… Read more »
“I JUST feel like I let the entire Coronavirus name down” sighs a jaded, beaten-down Covid-19 virus as it gazed over the shimmering water of a lake beside the small, ruined shack it retreated to after its humiliating defeat by the World Health Organisation. “I had a shot to really stick it to humanity, really… Read more »
A NEW research group headed by a team of young Waterford men have published findings centred around the fact that ‘necking’ two ecstasy tablets, could help keep the doctors away and combat the Covid-19 virus. “Dey’d sweat de bastard outa ya, shur,” explained lead researcher of the study Dr. Marko Collins, crudding up a hock… Read more »
CURRENT Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has rubbished claims that his use of a Mean Girls quote was ‘inappropriate’ in a speech about Coivd-19 restrictions during TDs questions this morning, adamant that the opposition are using anything they can to discredit the amazing work he’s done during the Coronavirus outbreak. “There are many people who aren’t asking… Read more »
A LEAKED document between the key members of the government and the National Public Health Emergency Team has outlined plans to get as many people back to work as quickly and as safely as possible, in an effort to avoid what is being described as ‘the mother and father of all economic hidings’, WWN has… Read more »
WITH new research carried out by the Oireachtas research unit suggesting that the introduction of a universal, public childcare scheme would be beneficial for working parents looking for universal, public childcare, WWN is on hand to answer all of your current questions relating to what to do with your children while waiting for the government… Read more »
THERE was a moment of panic for world tennis number 1 Novac Djokovic today after being informed that he had tested positive, followed by immediate relief when he learned that it was only for Coronavirus. Djokovic received his diagnosis midway through his own tennis tournament which drew crowds of thousands and had been criticised for… Read more »