THE head of the company tasked with building the National Children’s Hospital has been revealed to be none other than nefarious weasel villain Scurbious McGillicuddy, who was last seen heading out of town on the front of a train that had just hit him, WWN can confirm. McGillicuddy, along with his rogue band of cartoon… Read more »
ACKNOWLEDGING the positive diagnoses for noted insufferables such as Boris Johnson and Prince Charles, the world admitted that while it is no position to call into question Covid-19’s pandemic pursuits many people would like to draw the acute respiratory infection’s attention to a particular list of people. In amongst the list of old bosses, ex-lovers… Read more »
SCIENTISTS are investigating a possible side effect of Coronavirus infection spread after startling data from Irish A&E departments show a stark drop in the number of avoidable drink-fueled injuries, minor complaints and non-life threatening illnesses, WWN can report. Casualty departments across Ireland are showing almost zero waiting lists for the first time in nearly 250… Read more »
“THANK GOD, that’s one comfort during these sorrowful times,” exhaled the world, breathing a gargantuan sigh of relief as it read of the latest rich celebrity or business person being tested or diagnosed with Covid-19, at a time and in a country where frontline workers are not even being provided with tests. “Every day I… Read more »
ALTHOUGH agreeing that your declaration that 2020 was ‘your year’ was a noble one, the World Health Organisation has stated that the current Coronavirus crisis has probably put the clamps on your plans to remain drug and alcohol free, as well as any notion that you might ‘run the marathon’ as well. Hundreds of thousands… Read more »
A SPOKESPERSON for co-habiting couples around the world has said that precautionary self-isolation action needed to stave off the spread of Covid-19 could result in a cataclysmic rise in divorce rates if couples are forced to spend two solid weeks of uninterrupted exposure to their partners in a confined setting. “Please, oh God, there’s got… Read more »
WITH TAOISEACH Leo Varadkar confirming the need to temporarily close schools, creches and colleges along with guidelines on limiting public gatherings and events to limit Covid-19 spread, the Irish people have come together as one and officially agreed to raise Ireland’s emergency preparedness levels above “sure it’ll be grand” for the first time in its… Read more »
QUIETLY whisper-shouting a celebratory ‘yes’ to themselves under their breath, the world’s introverts, along with those who suffer from varying degrees of social anxiety, are delighting in the havoc being wreaked by Covid-19 on social gatherings both big and small. “Oh God, this is better than sex,” confirmed one introvert as she poured over the… Read more »
HAVING endured almost an entire fortnight of dealing with the Coronavirus in a calm, measured manner, the time is upon us to break apart as a civilisation and grab what we can before it’s too late, according to experts. So far, Ireland has clocked up about 20 cases of the respiratory illness, with both the… Read more »
THE MAN has claimed he was forced into ingesting pellets carrying the valuable black market product by drug gangs who have abandoned selling illicit narcotics in favour of trading in the more lucrative items of Covid-19 related panic buys. An Irish hand sanitiser mule returning direct from Brazil is believed to have ingested 400 pocket-sized… Read more »