Tag: health

Here’s All The Things Gwyneth Paltrow Is Telling You To Put Up Your Vagina Today

GWYNETH PALTROW, part-time actress and full-time spreader of reckless homeopathic ‘remedies’ which could put people’s health at risk has taken a break from selling candles that smell like her vagina to return to her true passion in life; telling women what they should shove up their own vaginas. Not to be discouraged by the fact… Read more »

A&E Trolley Bays Launched With Euro Coin Slots

USING advanced technology first utilised by the supermarket industry, the Minister for Health Simon Harris has launched new A&E trolley bays with euro coin slots to curb the problem of overcrowding. “We’ve looked at why there’s record numbers of patients on trolleys, and since we already know it’s nothing to do with the government or… Read more »

Murphy And Harris Point At Each Other And Shout “Housepital” At Same Time

MINISTER For Health Simon Harris and Minister For Housing Eoghan Murphy are said to be skipping around Leinster House in jubilation today, after seemingly cracking both of their troublesome, scandal-ridden briefs with one simple brainwave. Murphy, facing down the barrel of a vote of no confidence due to the ever-escalating housing crisis, assembled his fellow… Read more »

HSE Admitted To A&E

THE government has asked for everyone in Ireland to keep the HSE in their thoughts today, after the ailing health service was rushed to A&E in the early hours of this morning after suffering a near-fatal fall in confidence. The 14-year-old system has been in ill health following a long history of abusive relationships with… Read more »