CONCERNS surrounding the effectiveness of the Covid-19 vaccine or the possible side effects are not front-of-mind for most Irish people according to a new survey, with almost 100% of people polled admitting that they’d gladly drink it out of a smelly welly if given the chance. Although the effectiveness of vaccines such as the AstraZeneca… Read more »
FRIENDS and acquaintances of Dublin man Jeremy Hayes have today staged an intervention for the jogging enthusiast over his continued tirade of absolute shite talk while running, calling on him to just take the time to casually chat now and again and enjoy the moment. Hellbent on proving how fit he is by continually waffling,… Read more »
WITH more and more evidence emerging regarding the effectiveness of mixing Coronavirus vaccines, the Health Service Executive of Ireland has called on out-of-work bar staff to come forward to help the department mix different variations at their labs. “We figured we could kill two birds with the one stone and try and give back to… Read more »
TÁNAISTE Leo Varadkar stated yesterday the government is hoping to adopt a ‘Living With Covid’ plan mark II after the runaway success of the first iteration. WWN was afforded access to the Living With Covid brains trust and their morning pow wow, debrief, 360-degree-fully-orbital idea orgy. As we entered their meeting we noticed a sign… Read more »
THE HSE has assured the country that all over-70s will have received their first dose of vaccinations by mid-April, a mere two to three weeks after the original estimated date of the ‘end of March’ and a probably two to three months before the actual completion date, WWN can report. “No, we can’t give you… Read more »
WHILE there has been increasingly encouraging news on vaccine supplies in the last week, an impatience among the Irish public has prompted the government to further bolster vaccine supplies with a tried and tested reliable name in the field of Irish medicine solutions. Dubbed an Irish solution to an Irish problem, vaccine administrators up and… Read more »
“AS you can see, in our supposedly over-run hospitals, there are hardly any people in the waiting room” said Waterford dose Peter McGlynn on his live Facebook feed from inside University Hospital Waterford this afternoon, because it was either this or sit at home staring at the walls again. “Let’s just ask this woman here… Read more »
CILLIT bang representative Barry Scott has confirmed the company has almost completed developing a Coronavirus vaccine which he claims will eradicate 99.9999999999% of Covid variants, stating “bang and the virus is gone!” Demonstrating the new vaccine at a high-octane press briefing today, the overly enthusiastic Mr. Scott looked almost manic in appearance as he frantically… Read more »
AIMING to fill in the gap left by AstraZeneca, Johnson & Johnson’s Covid-19 vaccine is one step closer to worldwide approval after passing the tricky ‘no more tears’ testing phase. Administering the jab to test patients has delivered a 100% tearless success rate even among those with fear of needles as well as massive wimps…. Read more »
UNHAPPY with the lack of transparency over the vaccine producers’ failure to deliver its full compliment of doses, EU leaders have spent a frustrating day stuck on hold with Cambridge based AstraZeneca. “If you are a trading block of nearly 500 million people and haven’t received your order please press 5,” spoke the disembodied pre-recorded… Read more »