Tag: health

Human Rights Court Finally Bans Burpees

FIT people and sort-of fit people alike shared tears of joy outside the Court Of Human Rights in Strasbourg today, after a landmark ruling which outlawed the notorious ‘burpee’ exercise after decades of misery and sore arses. The court took less than ten minutes to declare the half-squat, half-plank exercise to be a gross incursion… Read more »

“It Really Works!” We Speak To Russia’s Covid-19 Vaccine Volunteers

CALLING a press conference to confirm Russia has ‘successfully developed’ a rushed through Covid-19 vaccine for which he has provided no proof of its supposed effectiveness, leader-for-life Vladimir Putin presented a series of successful vaccine volunteers to Russian state media. Delivering remarkable first-person testimonies of the miracle vaccine while lying in stiff horizontal positions, the… Read more »

Vindication For Man Who Said ‘It’s Just The Flu’ As Covid-19 Cases Reach 20 Million Worldwide

WEARING a grin wider than the Atlantic ocean, one self-anointed ‘takes no shit straight-talker’ is celebrating having called out Covid-19 overreaction from the very start as the ‘just the flu’ reached a measly 20 million cases and 730,000 deaths worldwide. “I don’t take pleasure in being right, but I think you’ll find a lot of… Read more »

The Pros & Cons Of Keeping Pubs Closed

THE TAOISEACH made the reluctant decision to delay the reopening of pubs for at least another 3 weeks, prompting auld lads at the end of bars to spontaneously combust from blind rage. But with Covid-19 cases on the rise here and elsewhere, many believe there are only easy, simple and obvious measures to put in… Read more »