THE HSE’s timely advice for sexually active people during the pandemic has been met with harsh criticism by 76-year-old WWN correspondent Augustine O’Partland, who composed the following announcement on the subject. “I know I say this at least twice a day lately, but have you ever seen such codology in all your life? You’d swear… Read more »
“I CAN’T believe I stayed under lockdown for five long months and now I’m probably going to be brought down by that drip-nosed little shit Declan O’Conlon” sighed Waterford primary school teacher Eilish Mallone, dolefully reading the government’s daily ‘this is what we’re doing about schools, for real this time’ announcement. “Last year he gave… Read more »
“WE as a nation have become way too dependent on being gas bastards, and our unwillingness to adapt to a lower-craic environment may prove to be unsustainable and ultimately, our downfall” stated a solemn Micheál Martin today, after delaying Phase 4 and the re-opening of pubs around the country for the second time. “For too… Read more »
Following the morally just and long-overdue banning of a tampon commercial from our airwaves thanks to the tireless work of 84 honest and decent God-fearing citizens, WWN turns to our resident conscience expert Bishop Cornelius Byle for advice on the subject. Good morning worshippers, and thank you to all who helped get this sick filth… Read more »
It’s a hard sight to process; just when you thought 2020 couldn’t getting anymore bizarre, 67-year-old Fine Gael TD Richard Bruton’s rock hard abs record a video encouraging tourists to visit Howth. And while therapy will help you recover in time, here’s the initial 21 thoughts absolutely everyone had when they first set eyes on… Read more »
WITH IRISH gyms reopening, many fitness fanatics were unsure if their gym would be a safe place to workout. Well, WWN is sad to report, that gym lovers have their answer in the tragic case of one Waterford man, Darren Carmody. Following his new gym’s health and safety protocols to the letter of the law… Read more »
OXFORD scientists were initially credited with the vaccine breakthrough but it now appears a dedicated team of middle-aged mothers who believe essential oils are the cure to everything have trumped all fast-tracked government-backed vaccine trials across the world. “No. More lavender!” barked one woman, Norma Healy, who batted away nearby PHD researchers, “it’s natural healing… Read more »
LOCAL Covid-19 scofflaw Miles O’Hannon is still free from Coronavirus despite adhering to none of the precautionary measures or regulations laid out by the government, much to the chagrin of his ‘goody two-shoes’ neighbours and friends. O’Hannon, 35, tackled Coronavirus with an ‘it’s all a load of shite’ approach that many believed would surely come… Read more »
THE government is faced with the difficult decision of finding an adequate group of people to blame a potential second surge on; with the impoverished and the youth looking like prime targets. Although the continuing influx of tourists from Covid-19 hotspots appeared to be the obvious choice for blaming a recent spike in infections on… Read more »
THE Covid-19 contact tracing app may only have been live for a few days, but already people are discovering fun ways to grind out rewards quicker than simply wandering around hoping to get lucky! With over one million downloads making it the fastest-downloaded Irish app since the Farmers Journal App, the Covid-19 tracker app is… Read more »