THE TAOISEACH took to the airwaves to get the Nation’s hopes down, and outline ‘Living With Covid’ version 4578, but just what’s in the plan? Firstly, rather than quote a Hollywood movie like his predecessor, Taoiseach Martin chose instead to re-enact in full the scene from Misery where Kathy Bates takes a sledgehammer to James… Read more »
REACTING to the combination of ongoing abysmal communication by the government and the fact lockdown is to be extended by a minimum of 6 weeks, the Irish public has confirmed it has officially been driven demented. “The Taoiseach’s probably on the TV now to tell us what we’ve already known for a week because the… Read more »
IN ADDITION to flood warnings issued due to heavy rainfall, Met Éireann has warned the government if it persists with maintaining a high volume of leaks to the media, severe flooding is inevitable. “You can only shovel so much rancid sewage down pipes without negative consequences, the public can’t bare the stink it’s causing,” confirmed… Read more »
AS NATIONS such as Ireland look on enviously at the progress the UK makes with its vaccine programme, PM Boris Johnson has revealed details of the country’s road map out of lockdown. Johnson, famous for his trustworthy nature and ability to lead without any hiccups, mishaps or law breaking has said that lockdown restrictions in… Read more »
IN A BID to let the public get a release from all of their pent up frustration, anxiety, anger and loneliness, the government has confirmed a one-off 24-hour binge on freedoms from lockdown restrictions. The positive news is believed to in no way related to the huge influx of crying and pleading from the public… Read more »
FOLLOWING on from a catalogue of public relation disasters, vague leaks and a general incompetence when delivering crucial changes in lockdown restrictions, the government has decided to go back to basics by publishing all future restriction measures on Ogham stones. Ogham inscriptions are the oldest known method of written communications in the Irish language using… Read more »
US President Joe Biden has assured his supporters that Donald Trump’s reign of terror towards migrants along the border has come to an end and been replaced with a much more comforting, left-leaning reign of terror instead. “There will be no more children in detention centres on the US border, which was a despicable crime… Read more »
THE TENDERING process for urgent construction work has been won by an Irish building firm, with the government acting swiftly to brick up the light at the end of the tunnel in a move that will depress almost everyone. The warm glow felt by the emerging light was beginning to draw large crowds with many… Read more »
ALTHOUGH the rest of the nation are still wondering where their next haircut is coming from, Minister For Health Stephen Donnelly has been making full use of the Dáil barber to ensure his head remains streamlined and ‘ready for flight’, a source has told WWN. “He calls in regularly for a short back and sides… Read more »
NEWS that hundreds of recordings that helped inform the Mother and Baby Homes report had been ‘irretrievably destroyed’ has come as a shock to even the most hardened, unshockable cynics in the country, with many applauding the government for hitting a new low in the long-running saga. “We always felt the commission would put forth… Read more »