Record Budget Giveaways Announced To Counteract 11 Years Of Fine Gael Policies

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WITH €4.1bn worth of ‘one-off measures’ including €600 energy bills credit, a €500 rent tax credit, increases in child benefit, a 25% cut in childcare costs and the raising of the 20% income tax threshold to €40,000, Minister for Finance Paschal Donohoe has produced a budget which has attempted to reverse the damage his own party being allowed to dictate policy for over a decade has caused.

“We had no choice but to enact a series of major interventions to counteract the devastating affect 11 years of Fine Gael being in power has done to some families and individuals,” confirmed Donohoe, who ensured the price of free third-level was reduced for students.

A longstanding tenure in government with a number of coalition partners has proven to have a hands-around-the-neck effect on many people, leading to Fine Gael confirming a series of huge giveaways was the only way to make being governed by the party bearable.

“Rent, college, commuting, staying warm, eating, breathing, it’s all become incredible hard to pay for on Fine Gael’s watch,” said several Fine Gael ministers, beaming ear-to-ear for some reason, “but please don’t read this massive intervention as some sort of admittance that we’re in the wrong, we’re far too deluded to see that”.

Using a ‘money cannon’ Donohoe then took to the steps of Leinster House to fire out a series of benefits including free school books, a one-off carers payment before turning the cannon on himself and his Dáil colleagues to fire a €1000 pay rise into their faces.

Remember to check back later to use WWN’s Budget Calculator which will be able to tell you that despite giveaways worth thousands you’re still barely threading water.

Official Merchandise