NEWS that the average rent for a new tenancy in Dublin stands at €1972 has been greeted with a vast ocean of expressionless acceptance by local Fine Gael voting couple Martin and Nuala O’Laudlin, WWN can confirm. “We’re not exactly big fans of Leo, Simon and Paschal ourselves,” explained the couple, who are such massive… Read more »
AN INTERNAL report compiled by Simon Harris has reached the shocking conclusion that Fine Gael is struggling to attract young people to join the party for some inexplicable reason. Aside from ‘snazzy new social media campaigns’ a number of strategies designed to incentivise people to join Young Fine Gael include: Scribbling out Sinn Féin with… Read more »
ANGRY protesters outside the Fianna Fáil think-in at the Slieve Russell hotel have been assured that their concerns surrounding the Mica redress scheme will all be taken care of in due time, specifically at a later date when a new government has taken over. Assurances have been made that the ongoing issue, which involves some… Read more »
REACTING to the latest Irish Times poll which shows increased support for Sinn Féin, local centre right student and Fine Gael supporter Cian Whelan can’t believe his naive parents, only just getting into politics, have fallen for the the republican party’s nonsense. “They’ve only really just started getting into politics, and that always sees people… Read more »
“DOES this even still fit me?” laughed Tánaiste Leo Varadkar today, after his iconic sign from the ‘Welfare Cheats Cheat Us All’ ad campaign turned up during a clear-out of his garden shed today. The clean up was prompted by the government’s announcement of the gradual reduction and phasing out of the Pandemic Unemployment Payments,… Read more »
FOLLOWING the sensational news that he is to quit the Dáil, Eoghan Murphy is said to be fretting over his possible replacement, unsure candidates are of the requisite low standard. “Looks like there’s a lot women in the running too, which is a cause for concern, they can’t flawlessly distract from a complete lack of… Read more »
CURRENT worst Minister for Housing in living memory Eoghan Murphy has announced his resignation as TD after achieving what was presumably a lifelong goal of enhancing the housing crisis while overseeing the emergence of a burgeoning tent city along the banks of the Grand Canal Henry St and dozens of other locations. “Fair play to… Read more »
LEADING robotics and AI engineers in Silicon Valley are said to be closely observing video footage from Dáil Éireann after state of the art AI almost achieved full self-awareness. The incident occurred when Tánaiste Leo Varadkar, taking part in a debate on youth unemployment, came close for a brief moment to realising the links between… Read more »
A FORMAL gardaí investigation being launched into his leaking of confidential documents and the potential destruction of his political career is meaningless compared to the thoughts Leo Varadkar is having of how much Mary Lou McDonald is enjoying all this. “Bet she’s fecking love this,” fumed a distracted Varadkar in a meeting with Fine Gael… Read more »
SINN Féin delegates are today wondering if TD Pearse Doherty will ever emerge from his coma after suffering what is being described as a ‘rage stroke’ brought on by listening to Tánaiste Leo Varadkar talk about how it was his ‘personal mission in life’ to combat soaring insurance prices. “When I heard about insurance companies… Read more »