Government Asked To Consider Social Media Ban For Over 60s Instead

THE COALITION GOVERNMENT has been asked to scrap plans for an u-16s ban on social media and devote all its attention to restricting internet access for the over 60s, WWN can reveal.

A groundswell of support for the move comes as more and more people are forced to observe the habits, behaviours and online output of people over 60.

“My mam showed me a video of Superman fighting Saddam Hussein inside a tornado for who gets to marry Princess Diana now that she’s been brought back to life and told me there’s an RTÉ logo on the video, so how can it not be real? The government has to enact a ban now!” shared one concerned 35-year-old who is chronically addicted to the internet in a healthy way.

“We know you’ll be busy taking meetings from social media giants lobbying you not to back EU plans to ban addictive elements of social media apps, which you will roll over and do, but if you can take a minute to seriously consider this measure,” shared a member of Citizens Against People Over 60s Having Internet Access.

“Fuck it, ban anyone under or over 60, save us from ourselves. I’ve arthritis in my scrolling finger and I’m only 26,” added another member of the public.

Despite overwhelming support for an over-60s ban criticisms of the proposed ban on u-16s accessing social media persist.

“I don’t know what all the worry is about, you can trust the government to create a verification system that intrusively collects as much personal data on an individual and then shares it with tech companies to profit off,” confirmed Minister for Media Patrick O’Donovan, in conversation with an India based scam call centre shortly before calling out his credit details over the phone.

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