Local Man Knows Only Pub Names When Giving Directions

“NOW, YOU just take the second left past Murphy’s on the right. The old Murphy’s now, not the new one up the other street. Then keep going ’til you see Casey’s on the corner,” local man Michael Welsh began when asked by American tourists Chad and Dee Chamberson where the local dolmen was located.

Seemingly unable to reference any landmark not serving alcoholic beverages, the 57-year-old farmer managed to include precisely zero street names in his directions, a feat incomprehensible to the now visibly fatigued visitors.

“Exactly, it’s not a pub anymore but you’ll see where the old Guinness sign above the door used to be but isn’t there anymore,” Welsh continued, brushing off a desperate attempt by the rental car passenger to show him Google Maps.

“The last time that camera car was here O’Grady’s was still open,” he added, before launching into a detailed account of how the village once boasted 22 pubs despite a population of just 134.

“You’d have been lucky to get into any one of them on a Friday evening,” Welsh said, as the electric window edged steadily upward with every polite but increasingly urgent “Thanks, we’ll find it ourselves.”

Undeterred by the car’s slow forward crawl, Welsh leaned in for one final contribution.

“Mordant’s on the hill,” he shouted. “Park the car there and walk up. Johnny won’t mind. Tell him Mick sent ya beyond.”

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