Tag: economy

It’s All Your Own Fault, Dept. Of Welfare Reassures Recently Redundant

WITH jobseekers facing the unique circumstance of searching for a job during a global pandemic in a country recently officially declared in recession, the Department of Social Welfare has sought to reassure the public with a series of supportive messages. “And have you thought about applying for a job, no?” Welfare said, confirming this particular… Read more »

“TikTok’s Dodgy Data Gathering & Links To Chinese Government Fine By Us” Confirms Ireland After Jobs Promise

AVERTING its eyes from any concerning news reports about social media app TikTok, Ireland has already begun unfurling the red carpet to welcome the data harvesting company’s announcement of ‘some jobs’ for the country. “Yiz could be making your app out of the pulped remains of Uighurs for all we care, chuck us a few… Read more »

The Highlights From The Government’s July Stimulus Package

IT’S the moment struggling businesses, people and microorganisms have been waiting for, today marks the unveiling of the Irish government’s comprehensive mutli-billion ‘July stimulus’ package aimed at supporting and reinvigorating the Irish economy and society at large. Coming a full 23 days into the month of July, the quick acting coalition government has bowled the… Read more »

RIP.ie Inundated With SME Eulogies

IRISH death notice website RIP.ie has reported an unusual amount of activity over the past few days resulting from the deaths of hundreds of small to medium sized businesses across the country, which employ the vast majority of the nation’s workforce. The deceased businesses were believed to have succumbed to the Covid-19 pandemic after spending… Read more »

Nation’s Shirts Go Unworn For Another Month

THROUGH a combination of hugely devastating unemployment, and the noble commitment from those still in jobs to look increasingly unkempt, the nation’s supply of shirts have gone unworn for another month, WWN can confirm. With the large numbers of people working from home content to conduct video conference calls equipped with a 4 month old… Read more »

Frantic Donohoe Encourages Everyone To Store Cash Under Mattress, Pray To God

WITH VARIOUS ECONOMIC outlooks for Ireland suggesting longterm unemployment could drop from its current 25% to a much more manageable ‘devastating 1980s style’ recession early next year, Min. for Finance Paschal Donohoe has urged people to clean out their bank accounts, store cash under their mattresses and pray to whatever God will listen. “Liquidise your… Read more »