Tag: economy

Nation’s Shirts Go Unworn For Another Month

THROUGH a combination of hugely devastating unemployment, and the noble commitment from those still in jobs to look increasingly unkempt, the nation’s supply of shirts have gone unworn for another month, WWN can confirm. With the large numbers of people working from home content to conduct video conference calls equipped with a 4 month old… Read more »

Frantic Donohoe Encourages Everyone To Store Cash Under Mattress, Pray To God

WITH VARIOUS ECONOMIC outlooks for Ireland suggesting longterm unemployment could drop from its current 25% to a much more manageable ‘devastating 1980s style’ recession early next year, Min. for Finance Paschal Donohoe has urged people to clean out their bank accounts, store cash under their mattresses and pray to whatever God will listen. “Liquidise your… Read more »

Massive Boom Expected For ‘Office To Let’ Sign Makers

ALTHOUGH the economic forecast for many sectors is continuing to look increasingly dire, WWN recently spoke to a local sign maker who tells us that he’s about to make ‘the mother of all killings’ designing, constructing, selling and erecting ‘Office To Let’ signs around the country. “Lads, it hasn’t been this busy since 2007 when… Read more »

Dublin Sick Of Carrying Rest Of Country On Its Back

DUBLINERS emerged today to hold an emergency press conference expressing their desire for the rest of the county to buck up its idea and start helping out around here. “We pay most of the income tax, corporation tax, you name it we’re the ones carrying you workshy, low income bastards on our shoulders and it’s… Read more »