Ireland Poised To Go Absolutely Fucking Mental June 29th

WITH a fresh acceleration of the reopening of Ireland including hairdressers, pubs and gyms, Ireland is perfectly poised to the lose the run of itself as it goes completely overboard, WWN has learned.

If early indications of people sharing their June 29th plans are anything to go by, June 29th will pack the excitement and ferocious appetite for craic usually associated with the combined power of 1,000 Paddy’s Days, Italia ’90 and the first sight of Riverdance at the Eurovision, sparking some concern among health experts.

“We’ve heard reports of men booking into their local pubs for week long lock-ins, women overstretching themselves to the limit by trying to fit a haircut, bikini wax, eye brow threading, brunch with the girls, gym session, cocktails with the girls and manicure all in on June 29th; something’s got to give. I’m sure this level of unadulterated participation in absolutely everything cannot be sustained,” confirmed CMO Tony Holohan.

Hairdressers are reporting long queues already forming outside their establishments which resemble a casting call for the role of Cousin It in the Addams Family while people are prepping for their return to the pub by getting their livers ‘pub ready’.

“I don’t think I’m ready yet for reuniting with my local, so I’ve put myself on a diet of a feed, rake and feast of pints this week,” confirmed one man, who has hired a personal trainer to get him ‘pub fit’.

Experts predicating a devastating craicademic have urged the Irish public to ease into the reopening of the Irish economy.

“If this is anything like the rush to be a year’s supply of knickers in Penneys, honestly, we’re doomed,” shared one expert who was in the queue for Ireland’s first hairdressers/pub/gym/cinema/drug den/garden centre combo.